Season's End

Beginning brings ending. That's the way it goes, right? It's dragging in another season cuz the last season is going to fall anytime now. Listen and you can hear it. The yelling is gone. Everything has gone pop quiz quiet. Even the ice cream man is trading in his usual wares for drumsticks and cranberry pops; last year's yam-sickles weren't such a hit. He's still trying though.

And when will the ice cream man get a better song? If I hear "pop goes the weasel," or "music box dancer" one more time I'm gonna take a bat to him.

"Mommy, why is the ice cream man carrying the base ball bat that way? He looks like a popsicle."

"I don't think he's 'carrying' it, dear. "

"Then what's he--"

"Nevermind."

Why can't he use something different? I mean I'd at least smile the first 20 times I heard "Ice cream man" I might even stop him as he's passing by. The neighbor lady a few houses down stops him already. I think she's got a thing for the weasel.

Sometimes I go out, get my mail, mow the lawn and sweep the walk, and he hasn’t moved from the neighbor's house. I think she's after his pushups, but I don't know for sure. You'd think he could at least have the courtesy to turn off the music while he's MILF shopping. Maybe it's an aphrodisiac? Choosy mom's choose Jiff, but easy mom's love to hear the weasel go pop.

I don't know, I'm learning. I need to ask.

That's what I need to work on. Not attracting housewives. I'll leave that to the MILF man. I need to find a way to attract Rob groupies. How do I do that? I met MyEx while playing online trivia.

Yeah, I rock at music stuff. I was playing some VH-1 thing, and she was online beating the pants off of me. My roommates objected and shortly moved out. By then it was too late. She and I were a half naked item. Later I found out it wasn't that she was that good, it's just that she'd played before. She knew the answers already.

I think that's how it works anyway. Women always already know the answers. They have the guy down and tied to the hood before he even knows he's been shot.

"Would you like to go out sometime?"

"Of course, could you turn your head a bit, I can't see the traffic…"

Maybe that's what worries me about these things. The ice cream man, he's got a plan. He smells the season's change, and prepares his goodies--so to speak. Me, I don't know this season. Do I need a cap or a cup? Last time I was here I was a lot younger and still out of season.

I think it's all about finding what works for you. I haven't found what works for me, so maybe I can steal the thing that works for you. I need something. Because as people come and go, I'm growing old like last years 50/50 bar. Now I'm more of a 60/40, next year I might as well be fish on a stick, cuz I'll be just as appealing as Billy Bass.

I mean, I'm not necessarily in any great rush, but I would like to make Rob a desirable commodity. Something you could be happy with year round, no matter what season it is.