Robbabble

A good blogger never leads his reader astray. A good blogger makes everything clear, and concise, leaving the reader nourished for having taken the time to read.

So if that's how you really feel, what are you doing with me?

Yeah, it's ok. Just flip the "closed" sign on your way out. Really, I do understand. See, I know I can be a little out. Scientists usually use my blog to chart the invisible reaches of space. If you want clear and concise, may I recommend a first grade primer.

See Rob.

See Rob blog.

Blog Rob Blog.

See Spot.

See Spot Critique.

Bad Sot bad…

I even get letters from readers who don't get it. They want explanations to my blog, and life's other great mysteries:

Dear Rob,

I see people use terms like LOL and STBX. What do they mean?

B4N,

POTUS

See? Code. How can you understand what's going on when people talk in code. It's like being married. Simple phrases like, "could I see the remote?" harbor hidden meanings such as "I need something to hit you with." It's code.

I try to keep my blog as code free as possible, but when you babble beyond the extent of the deepest Brooke, some code is going to flow past the readers. Brooke? She's good. It takes a lot to get past her.

See, I know, there gets to be a certain level of insider speech. I do understand, really I do. It's like any relationship. Tell MyEx "We don't even look like we're together." and she'll laugh. Why? It has nothing to do with our divorce other than potential foreshadowing. It's just something funny that happened, and it's shorthand for "remember this?"

Somebody else is going to stare at you like you're crazy. We all have some code. Some shorthand. We do it with everything:

"I do not think that means what you think that means"

There! That's Princess Bride in a one sentence synopsis. Great film right? Then again, if you haven't seen it, what does it really mean? Not at all what you think it means…

See, and that's the problem with all insider-speak. It makes people feel left out. I don't want to do that. I’m divorced, I know what it feels like to be left out. I want to be welcoming. Hi! This is my blog, lift your feet up, take off your sh--no leave them on, but here, have some complimentary Peanuts.

"You look wonderful today."

"Thanks Charlie Brown!"

So, to appease my writing friend, I looked up some key terms, and I'd like to share them with you. May they help you as you navigate blog world. See, it's acronymania out there. Everybody uses site specific coding. Take STBX. When I first saw it I wasn't sure either. I mean if you try to sound it out…."Stb X…stub X? Stib X? Steb X? Stab--oh my! This is a violent group!" While I was gathering my protective armor, somebody explained, "No Rob, it's Soon To Be eX"

Ohhhh….

I never knew. It was on my list of things I didn't know. That's ok, ask MyEx, that list is pretty long indeed.

You can also ask her about web language. I don't know what she knows, I just know it's a good segue. See with web language you have to be careful--especially if you're looking into dating. A girl who texts you "IMHO" is not saying, "I'm a HO." She's explaining that she has an opinion, and it's quite humble. You'll be humble too after you call her a "Ho" You'll also be lonely 4evr.

Speaking of which, let me offer you another bit of advice. MUAH is not the beginning of an evil laugh, it's apparently a kiss. I'll never make that mistake again...

The other problem is so many things mean the same thing. You can LOL, ROFL, LMAO, LMFAO, HA, HO, and HE, and that's not even including guffaw, chortle, and cackle. Why don't people just laugh anymore?

It's all in the code. And we all speak it. Even the anonymous person who emailed me. They had their code. It's how everybody establishes themselves in the herd. Sniffing butts is so 1980s; now we make up txt code that says, "I'm in."

I don't know, I've been in, and out, and pretty much everywhere in-between. I don't see the difference. It's hard enough just being me without having to work in everybody else's code speak.

I learned the language of love, spoke in marriage, and held my tongue in divorce. Now I'm alone and blogging with myself. I make finger puppets and we hold cool conversations. We're in the same crowd and we get along.

I think that in the end the good people will draw to you and you'll collaborate on conversation. You'll speak a mutual language and everything will be clear. As for me, drop by read, ask when it's not clear. Remember, you're always welcome and everybody's smarter than a blogger, no matter how cool his Robbabble sounds.

B4N!