Half-witted Half Posts.

Tick-tock, tick-tock…

The clock says 11:09 I've got just under 3 hours before my call. How do I feel? I dunno. Part of me is calm. I mean in a way, his is a test of faith isn't it? Not that I believe that God wants me to have this job. I don't know that, but a test that I am accept who is in control, and that whatever happens, t's for the best.

Why is it some days faith sounds a tad too motivational poster?

"Hang in there!"

Yeah...

For a control freak, that's a tough call. I mean I've spent my life falling on my butt every time I try that "I'll catch you" trust game. Still, God is the only one who has always caught me, and now I'm falling again and he's the only one who can catch me.

I've talked faith with friends and family but it's one thing to talk, and quite another to do. Especially when doing is nothing more than waiting for that voice in the wind.

Thoreau talked about quiet desperation. Anybody who knows me considers quiet desperation impossible. I've never been quiet about anything. What about desperation? Thoreau defines that as resignation. I don't know. I guess he could be right…whatever.

See here's the thing. I'm comfortable with my job. I mean it doesn't allow me any real time, and I'm always working but it pays my bills. I don't see anybody else offering to do that. Thoreau would have said that these were just my chains, but I don't have time to sit by a like spouting truisms like I'm a fountain cherub. Maybe they are my chains, but they are my chains and somebody has to take responsibility for them. Stick that in your quiet desperation!

Oh my!

Thoreau said a lot of things. So have I. Still nobody's paying to put me on a cereal box, let alone on a bookshelf. And still I toil. A friend emailed me last night, "You do work a lot. I thought you were just trying to avoid me." No, just avoiding life.

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." Yeah, I really need to stop the Thoreau cherub from peeing in my font.

So I wait…in tired exacerbation. Fretting the one foot 3 inches from my mouth while the other is already out the door.

Sorry…today's post is really a partial post. For those of you with minnows in your mouth (baited breath, yeah I know just give me the stupid joke already…sheesh…). I had my call, I am still employed but the crux is more time for less pay. I'll blog more tomorrow, right now I'm working on the more time part. For tonight, thanks to you who made an effort to show you care. You're in my prayers too…

Thank you.

Rob