Ceilings Have the Biggest Fans.

I couldn't sleep. It was a long night of tossing and turning and Googling. I couldn't find any reason to stay awake yet there I was staring at the ceiling fan through the window glow trying to count the moving blades.

One…

Yeah, the count doesn't get too high, I was looking for early sleep inspiration. That's why I didn't invite sheep. Well that, and after the last fuzzy incident they'd refused to come back. I swear, it was just a misunderstanding. I didn't know sheep would follow everything.

Baaad Rob Baa!

Anyway, with all the stuff going on with my work, and life, I just figured I'd sleep this evening out. My consciousness had other ideas. My mind was reeling faster than the fan over my head.

…Two…

I had my cell phone beside me on the headboard. I picked it up and Googled "jobs." I wasn't expecting to find anything, but you don't know unless you look, right? The list was huge. So many opportunities. Some seemed even a little irregular, but I guess would work if you wanted to make money under the table. I wasn't sure how blowing was going help anybody under the table, but I figured that wasn't a job for me anyway.

I tried again. "Rob's Job." There at the top of the page was a site called Robsjobs.com. I clicked t see what I do.

Apparently I specialize in honey-do jobs. I have a small staff, a few trucks, and a website. That's what it takes. That's what I do. Good to know.

Huh…I never knew.

I knew I bored me; I put down the phone. I'd hoped I'd find something better. I hadn't that's probably why I was lying here alone staring at the fan. I thought I could make out a third blade though. I squinted.

…yes…three…

Why am I still awake? That was the big question. I mean the job issue wasn't resolved, but it was at a standstill for now. I just needed to get some sleep and get to work. Sleep was the part I was having trouble with right now.

Why? It's been a tough week. Besides the job, things have been off, and I can't understand it. It's like in the horror movies when you're smothered in honey, but can't understand why the bear is trying to maul you.

Is he after my Aztec Talisman?

Nothing fits. Finally something did. I was thinking about my bills and which ones were due. I knew the gas bill was coming up on he 23rd. That was 5 days off. My car requires a different type of gas, and it has six cylinders. If each cylinder were attached to one of those old drive through teller chutes, that would be cool "Fwoom! When you pull the tube from your skull, could you be a dear and deposit it for me?" I get paid on Friday…today is Wedesday…Today, there are five blades total on the ceiling fan-that makes today the--Aw crap!

Today is September 18th. I'd made it this far without realizing that today is my anniversary. Nine years I made a vow at an altar, to alter my life. Now I'm lying in my bed trying to forget.

Actually that's wrong. For the first time in my marriage I had forgotten. I was feeling guilty for forgetting an event that held no more significance than an Aztec Talisman found at a grisly grizzly kill. Ok, sorry, that was just my mind moving with the fan, but what do you want at…what…4:30 Crap!

Is my subconscious assassinating my week because of past crimes? I don' know but it sure would make sense. At least now I could move the blame to where it belonged: MyEx. I wonder if she got that Indian totem necklace I sent her.

I rolled over once more and didn't fall asleep.

…one...