Cash incentives work. News at 11.
Yup, it was news to me too, but a study done by the Mayo
Clinic proves it to be true. Cash
is king when it comes to motivational incentives.
That does explain why slavery never worked.
“Would you rather have: a, a whip, or b, one hundred dollars,
for some grueling housework?”
Sure, on a scale of made up statistics, 1 in 40 would rather
have the whip, but there’s always one of those in every crowd.
“Yes, mistress.”
“Do you have a hall pass?”
Yup, same guy. But that’s just what motivates him. The rest of us? We like cash. The
Mayo Clinic tried out this theory on weight loss programs and discovered it
worked there too.
“I’ll starve for cash.”
They offered $20 a month in a yearlong study and found that,
in a group of 100 obese people, the group lost an average of 9 pounds. The same study without cash turned out
only a two-pound loss, and three jelly donuts. Ok, nobody found any donuts, but
that’s just because one of the test subjects ate them.
So what does this prove? Nothing that we don’t already know.
We watch TV. We know that people will do the stupidest things for money. I
mentioned the network looking for new reality stars, right? They are. You don’t
get much stupider than reality TV unless you’re a college kid with a bottle of
Jack and a shopping cart out after midnight.
“You know what would be really
cool…?”
Not that I’d know anything about that. It’s only what I’ve
heard.
And now I’ve heard there’s a study for money. Maybe there’s
hope for my blog yet. Sure, if people will give up food for $20 a month,
imagine what blog-fodder they’d read for pennies on the dollar. Then imagine if
I could prove that my blog makes you lose weight! Whoa! I’d have a gold mine.
RobBlog: Better than Botox!
A dream has to start somewhere. Nobody’s offering me cash to
write; maybe I should turn that around.
I’ll let you know, just as soon as I get some cash. First I
have to find somebody willing to motivate me
with cash.
“Yes mistress.”
No, not you.
