Obstruction of Traffic

“License and registration please.”

I don’t know about you, but that’s my least favorite phrase in the world, other than “Bend over and grab your ankles.”  Not that I have any experience with the latter. It just seems like something I don’t want to hear.

The former, I heard this morning, much to my chagrin.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to put that chagrin away. We don’t allow that in this state.”

Great, I can’t even get grumpy.  I’ve been pulled over by Andy Taylor. Andy’s not exactly happy either. He’s caught me speeding, but I’m going to be more trouble than I’m worth.  I’ve got an out of state drivers license and my proof of insurance is only available electronically today. Yesterday was the last day the paper copy was valid.

“Sigh.”  That’s not me. That’s Andy.  “I’ll be right back.” Yeah, that’s Andy at his surly worst. He needs practice.

Andy’s more of a passive aggressive peace officer.  He’s gonna make me wait while he sits in his SUV and sips coffee.  That’s ok. It gives me time to think about today’s blog. If only I had something to write about.

I love talking about myself, but most of my blogs lately have been about other people and their other news. My days are fairly boring. I work out. I blog. I write my young adult novel. I work out again. I go to bed. I get up. I shower, lather, rinse, repeat.  I can make a blog of that, but by if I stretch it across a blog week, it starts sounding like a season of Three’s Company.

“Jack!”

“Janet!”

“Mr. Furley!”

Don Knotts isn’t the guy writing me my ticket.  Deputy Fife would be done now.

Another cop car pulls beside Andy’s SUV. His car is black. His doors are white. If you don’t see these colors correctly then you probably shouldn’t be driving.  The other cop has a yell conversation through car windows with Andy and his partner.  I thought that was what the radio was for.  Maybe they’re yelling because Andy’s radio is tied up running my License. 

Great. Another reason for Andy to hate me.

I watch and wait.  The other car doesn’t move. I’m a little concerned. I don’t have anything in my car, and I’m pretty sure I’m not a wanted fugitive, but still. The more police who congregate, the more chance there is for some misinterpretation.  I reach for my gum.

“He’s got Dentine!”

See what I mean? I said gum.  But boy that would be something to blog about.

Don’t get me wrong.  I appreciate law enforcement and everything they do—even if it’s pulling me over. They put their lives on the line everyday, and every day with budget cuts and lay offs there are fewer and fewer of them on the road. Even ticket writing Andy never knows who’s behind the wheel of the car he’s approaching. So I understand if Andy’s a little twitchy. My goal is not to give them reason to twitch.

The other cop car pulls away and slowly rolls past my car.  Actually it’s not that slow. He’s going the speed limit. That miscalculation is why Andy pulled me over in the first place.

Huh. Despite the ticket, I’m happy to have something new happening.  Is that weird? A little something new to break the monotony, and I get a character study. Other writers pay more money for conferences, and don’t get the same one on one time.

And like that, the fun is over. Andy walks up, gives me back my license and registration with a lecture about Michigan laws concerning out of state driver’s licenses. I smile and nod.  He hands me my ticket. It doesn’t have a dollar amount on it, butAndy says I can call the courts about that. He also tells me to try and have a good day.

I will. I’ve got today’s blog finished.

Tomorrow, I’ll be back, Andy. We can write a new blog called “Reckless Endangerment.”