Days of Dreams and Plans

Some days it just doesn't pay to stay in bed. Nope. Take yesterday. I stayed in bed for the UPS man and he came late.

Hmm. Maybe I should back up. That story just doesn't sound right at all.

Here's the story of a man named Robby, and he was waiting on a package of his own…

OK, my S&T employers may not be my favorite people, but they have a really good benefits package--or they did, but that's another story of a man named Robby. Let's keep focused on today's package for now. Let's just say the Health insurance is really good--or it was, but once more…

Let's just say I work for Sunshine and Rainbows and Saturday Morning Cartoons Unlimited. There! That's better. They're sending me this years insurance renewal package. Everything inside is all Smurfs, Carebears, and My Little Pony. The UPS guy has been playing ding dong ditch all week, and today I plan on catching him with a net and taser if necessary. We'll see how funny Mr. BrownShorts thinks he is now. I need to catch him. I need the renewal package. Even if I don't stay working with the fun bunch, I need to look appeased.

"Come back to sleep Rob…" That's Cheetara. She's one of the company dream purr-ks. Without my employer I wouldn't be allowed to dream about her. She's union. I could also have Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura if I wanted, but I like Cheetara. Since I'm tired from dealing with the real world of healing sick dogs and writing bad blogs, I decide to await the UPS guy from bed with my little thunder cat. I need a rest.

That was my plan, just some sleepy pawing. That's why when I went to sleep I was a little irritated when I couldn't find her. I looked everywhere. Really. No gum drop, marshmallow or fruit rollup mattress went un-furled. I was alone. In real life I rolled over in disappointment stretching my leg…

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Shoot!" yeah sure that's what I said. You would too. I went to sleep looking for a sexy cheetah and woke up with an old Charlie horse. Yeah freakin' fantastic.

"Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!" I scream into my pillow, rubbing out my leg. Yeah, this is the massage I stayed in bed for. If I can get to sleep, my little love kitten will have some explaining to do. If I can just get my leg muscle to relax.

"SHOOT!"

Relax. I breathe. I force the world to slow down. In the end, isn't that really why I'm still in bed anyway? I need to relax a little and slow my days down, even if it's only for one day. I need that day to breathe.

Slowly.

In.

Out.

In.

My calf relents. The horse subsides. I roll over on my back and begin to drift...

"Cheetara?"

"She's not here."

I whip around, it's MyEx. She's standing on a mound of murdered Care Bears. In her hand is a My Little Pony head, dangling by it's rainbow mane from her fist. She kicks Tenderheart Bear down the pile and he flops at my feet.

Huh. I'm guessing this won't be the dream I was hoping for. "Hi!"

She growls. She looks just like she did when she asked for the divorce, except for the She-ra costume. That's new. It fits well. Good to see.

"Is this where you come to be happy?" she stares at the dead head in her hand.

"yeah, I'm not wild about what you've done with the place though."

"That's really funny." she starts swinging the thing in her hand like a flail. "Well just remember. I own your happy place, bitch."

Oh my!

To prove her point, walls melt and time relapses to days gone by. We take our roles and reenact the last days of our marriage where she oozes her disappointment in her marital choices like some monster slime. Everything I do is an affront to her existence.

"You're still breathing…."

I suppose if I'd grown hard over time this would all bounce off. I could just roll with the hatred and let her be mad. I could pull Cheetara out of my butt and make MyEx watch. I don't. I can't. I still have a soft spot. Oh, my marriage is so over. Not even my dream world tries to candy coat that. It's raw, dead carcass reeking with flies. Still, The speed at which it decomposed still amazes me.

It's like the story of Joshua and Jericho. In that story people sang and danced circling Skeet Ulrich and his chums who were trapped in the apocalyptic television drama. When Joshua blew his horn, the walls came down around skeet, and the network canceled everything--it all happened so fast.

Nuts.

That's the memory of MyEx that rings through my mind as the doorbell sounds.

Door!

I shot up--and fell down. My calf hurts like hell. Working my way to my feet, I Quasi-moto to the door: step, drag, step, drag…

Fumbling locks, pulling down t-shirt, I'm listening for the man. I don't hear him. I haven't heard the truck drive off either. I don't know.

I pull, the door pops in the jam, then jerks open. My porch is empty. Except a notice telling me I'll need to pick up my benefits packet from the UPS warehouse.

Crap!

I step outside to get my newspaper. Might as well. I'm here. That's when I see him. It's the UPS guy. He's locked in an argument with the guy from across the street about McCain's Iraq policy. Great. He's got time to talk war stance, but he can't stand still for two minutes on my porch?

"Can I get my envelope."

He looks up, the package and signature pad are both still in his hand. "Uh, yeah, sure."

I sign and walk away with paper and package in hand, favoring my war wound. It's something I learned in divorce. Some days start off like dreams, but they just collapse from there. Some days, you just have to drag yourself through no matter what.

Why? Because there are those other days too. Those days where everything goes right. I could use one of those. Till then, I'm dragging myself into tomorrow.