Call Me What You Will

What's in a name?

That's a great question actually. If you look up MyEx in the dictionary it'll tell you "warm and fuzzy." That's right, I married Elmo. Sure she was fun to tickle, but I have to admit…That voice….just a little grating.

"Elmo like his tummy rubbed."

Me, I'm not so sure about my namesake. I looked it up. Mr. Webster said nothing flattering about about me. "To take that which belongs to another." Huh…well I guess that depends on who you ask and when. When MyEx moved out, I'm sure she'd have laid a finger aside of her nose and nodded fervently at that--Just before rising up the chimney with half our goodies.

That's right, her middle name was Santa. I wouldn't tell her that. It probably won't get you any presents. It probably wouldn't tickle her either. She could be grumpy like that at times.

During those times we had "special" names for each other. She'd use some special compound words that Electric Company never taught us and I'd just say "Yes Mistress."

See? Right now I'm sure that somewhere she's calling me a "special" name again and wiping iced tea from her monitor. Cuz you can count on both your antlers the times I called her "mistress." Not that she didn't look good in leather and carry a mean whip. It's just that well my last name means "stubborn."

Ok, it doesn't either, but let's face it, how many of us really act like our names? I mean, back in feudal times, sure a name meant everything. If your name was Freakin' Moron then there was a good reason. Now it just means your parents were baby boomers.

For my dad the was easy. There was a long-standing family tradition. The first man-cub would carry out the family name. And yeah, I belonged to one of those families who believed the last name wasn't enough. You had to give the kid the WHOLE name.

Yeah, great. It's all fun and cool until your at a family gathering. Then it's like shouting "Fire!" in a theater.

"Robert!"

Great fun. That's why I always liked the cool movie Indian names. I wanted one. A name that described my inner soul. What would they call me? James Brown, of course.

Yeah, no. I don't have that much soul. I have a heart, and a little engine of gumption, but not a James Brown Soul. I'm not even sure I have a James Woods soul. Natalie maybe?

Now why would my super secret Indian name be Natalie?

Janet had a super secret name. She was "Miss Jackson" if you were nasty. Well at least during the 80's. After that, the Velvet Rope dropped, and we were all a little shocked.

Anyway back to me and my name.

I'm thinking I need to be called something like Writes with Pen or Speaks to self, or even Needs a Shower. Something memorable. I think that's what I'll do with my vacation. I can't afford a physical journey, so I'll go on a spiritual journey in search of my name. So whatcha think? What are you gonna call me?