God Swapping.

I've been excommunicated.

Yup, that's right. The pastor read my blog, and the congregation threw me out the door.

"All are welcome! Don't come back, Rob"

That's what the entry sign said as they hurled me past it.. Ok. Maybe I am exaggerating, just a little, but they did kick me out.

Ok, maybe not "kick" physically, but they might as well have. They changed the time of the service. They now meet an hour earlier.

Boot!

It's also something they didn't really tell me about. It just happened. It's like the time in first grade when Mandy Jenkins moved her birthday party from the quarry pit to the family park. At least I think she moved it. My invitation said, "quarry pit." Why would she lie? Her parents went to church.

Huh…well that's enough to change your religion...

Yup, so's the church changing it's worship hours. Still, I understand the needs of the many out weighing the needs of the Rob. Needs…lets look at that. You wanna know why they needed it moved earlier? Because people were complaining. They didn't have enough time in the afternoon to do anything. Late service let out at noon and there was no time left to do anything with the shredded remains of the day.

People would be forced to spend it with their families.

That's heresy.

Once again, it's just like the inquisition: the church is stealing the parishioners joy.

Ok, maybe only a little like the inquisition.

And why was the late service so late to begin with? Despite what you might think, it wasn't to accommodate me, I promise you. A church like that is one I could really get behind.

"Here's your personal pew, Mr. Boyd."

"Thank you. Call me Rob. Tell the funny robed guy to keep it short today, please, I have a 2pm tee time."

"As you wish, Rob. Beverage? Nuts?"

"No, but could you bring me a Playboy, Mandy?"

"Right away, Mr. B--Rob."

See? Now that's a church with good attendance. Ours is down so they're looking to fill the pews. One way is to get rid of Rob. He stinks up the place with his divorce scent. Seriously, do you realize that I'm the only single divorced person attending my church? Everybody else is familialy endowed. I'm serious! There's like a 3 kid minimum for every two parents bellying up to the sacrament bar. I think the wine guy leers at me. I'm 40 and alone. I'm the pariah son.

Prodigal? Oh no my parents force me to be too independent for that. I wish. Nope pariah, I swear. I'm getting kicked out of church.

The reason I'm getting kicked out is Bible study. That’s right. The old late service started later because they had a Bible study between early and late services. It was meant so that early people could attend after church and late people could go before they started. What happened is that nobody attended at all. So rather than re work the Bible study to draw people, they've just re moved it till the end of late service where everybody can ignore it equally.

I know I will. But then again I won't be going to service either. See, I work late Saturday night. My ideal church would be one that met Sunday evening, but I don't have that choice. I do have a choice to attend the same church with less than 6 hours sleep, but I choose to sleep in my bed and not in the pews, no matter what the American cliché is. If I'm gonna go, I might as well stay awake.

That's my choice, and now I have another choice. To stay with the same church and not attend, or find another where they'll welcome the sleepy Rob.

This Sunday, I'm looking. As a Christian, I know that God is a personal God who sees me, but I'd like to see him, or at least worship him with others.

In a way, it's weird. I started attending my current church almost a year before MyEx left. Now almost a year after that, I'm looking again. I can't help but think it's related. It's like another aspect of my life where I'm being asked to move on.

At least this time I have a better idea where I'm going. Yeah, I checked the paper. I found another church who likes late risers like me, and they start the service at the same time. They're a little further to drive, but I shouldn't have to change the time I get up. So I think I can make this transition. I couldn't do that with a wife--and don't think I didn't try.

No, for that I need to be patient. It's fine, for now, at least I have a church to attend. Now if they'll only accept that I'm divorced...