So, if she's the one who's leaving why do I feel like I'm moving? These last few weeks I've checked off the same list of things I ran through when we moved into the house. I called the gas, electric, phone, and title companies. I even called the cell phone company, to close our joint account and set up a new phone for me, new number new everything. I can't tell you how disappointed they were to see MyWife go; she did all the calling, but she chose another carrier. Too many memories I guess.
I also restructured some bills because I can't afford now what I could afford then. Do you realize I'm going to have to get rid of HBO? Thank God The Sopranos' is over! Yeah, That's right, when it comes to TV I watch just what they tell me to watch.
The good sheep says "Baaaa." Rob is a good sheep poster boy.
Actually TV is one of those arenas that MyWife and I played well in. I could give her the remote and not worry about spending two hours watching some weepy chick flick. Oh, don't get me wrong, there were still weepy chick flicks, but she usually gives me plenty of warning, and made sure I have a box of Kleenex first. She was considerate that way.
And she was sooooo lucky. Obviously, she doesn't realize how lucky! I'm not a big sports fiend, so she didn't have to sit through a lot of games. Oh, I like sports, but I like attending the events. It's so much cooler when you're there. Televised sports are like televised concerts. Why bother? If there isn't some guy spilling beer down my back because some girl just flashed her breasts, it's not entertainment. Jot this down: Fun smells like stale beer and second hand pot smoke. If it ain't there, you didn't have a good time.
All my entertainment is going away. I need to figure out what I'm doing for free. I guess I'll concentrate on my writing. Boy are you lucky readers!
I know that sounds a bit whiny (sorry oh vocal friends, I'm really trying…), "All my fun is leaving," but that's not it at all. Yeah my fun is leaving, but I'll find new fun. I'll buy a new ball a hula-hoop, a yo-yo. WEEE! You'll see. It's like the post from a month ago about dating and breakup songs. All those songs are attached to other people. The trick from here out is building new memories, new songs, new fun.
Right now I'm packing away the boxes of memories and sending them off. Sure, I'll retain a few boxes for myself, but they'll sit in the garage, unopened, until some late night Lifetime special about love "twue wuv…"
"Why why why…?"
"Cuz that's what happens."
"What?"
"She's gone, you're alone. Get over it. Let's go watch some football."
Yeah, the voices in my head argue. It's great fun. Sometimes they get into a big fight and it looks like something out of Fight Club. Ok, not really, but wouldn't that be cool? You could all watch my emotional demise through a blog. Mental breakdowns, emotional outburts, crying jags, what could be more entertaining? Yeah, I know, The View already offers the same thing. At least that's what I've been told…
Buit I need to create new memories. For me, that's the tough part. I say this, not to sound pathetic, but it's true. The life I built with MyWife didn't leave much room for other people. Friends fell away, and I never fought too hard to regain them; I had her. Now I'm essentially alone.
One of the things we did, even while we were married, was we dated. We tried to go out once a week, even if it was something stupid and free, it was something we did together. We stopped doing that towards the end. I'm not sure whether it was a cause or effect, but it didn't translate into anything good. We couldn't take the quiet moments.
Now it's done. I can either whine or learn how to build new bridges. I always sucked at engineering, but no better time than now to get better at it, huh? What's the worst thing that happens? I fall into the abyss? If I don't try, I'm already there.
So I'll throw on my construction hat, it'll be just like the Village people. Well not just like…but I'll be entertaining none the less.
10 comments:
When we were both living together, there was too much stuff in a large two bedroom. Now that we're living apart, both of our one bedrooms aren't even full. It's one of those odd things.
I'm sure a lot of stuff got "lost" in the move too. I know there are things that will be sitting on the curb next trash day. Things we keep because we think the other one wants it, things we keep because a use will manifest itself, and things we keep because we're too lazy to throw it away.
Which does beg a new question: after they go, how long do you keep the stuff they left behind? What's proper etiquette?
Well, I don't think so much in my case. (But, remember, we're weird like that.) Actually, we both kept taking bags of stuff to each other.
A couple of weeks ago we had a yard sale. Got rid of a bunch of stuff that was bothering me--so did he. Very cathartic. And got some cash out of it. ;)
you can trade in you pain for cash and catharsis? People do that? Is it legal?
I love capitalism! Do I have to wait until she's gone or can I just start the yard sale now? It'll be her special "surprise" tonight...
Yeah, I know. I could do it, but I'd have to change the name of my blog to "Smiling through smite and spite!"
You guys do have an interesting arrangement. I think we'll end up being similar in some areas, very different in others.
It just...sort of evolved this way. 'Compatibility' was never the problem. Believe me, things were a lot more tense and weird about a year ago.
Yeah, we did tense and weird. That lasted about 6 months. I remember going out to dinner, thinking "This is more unnatural than a blind date." We were so separate from each other.
I have a hunch we'll do it again as we redefine ourselves as singles.
Well, our officially splitting up removed the major cause of the rift... One, his whole fear of intimacy issues (and all of the associated triggers--they become overwhelming). And, two, my intense anger at a husband who was constantly sneaking off for phone calls, keeping secrets, and never home. :) (Issue two is basically caused by issue one.)
Which leaves us back the fact that our personalities have always clicked really well.
Well this may be an naive question. Ok it is a naive question but here goes anyway. Isn't issue one something that would have showed itself before you got married?
I'm not trying to be cruel or anything. It's a legitimate question. I'm just curious how some people hide traits from others that should have been so obvious...
That's an excellent question. I have no idea.
To be fair, I knew there were issues there. (It was a given, with his childhood.) It just took years for these to really fully manifest.
This isn't the first time he's split. We just both thought the issues were resolved a couple of years ago. (And yes, we waited until we felt we'd worked out the kinks before we tried to have a baby.)
That's one of my bigger goals on my blog...were there other warning signs I should have picked up on? I always thought the worst issues manifested by a year or so into the relationship. One of the things I did learn when I tried counseling, was that oftentimes simply getting married can be a trigger, and bring out more deeply buried issues.
I guess it partly reflect my own naivete. There was a part of me that should have known better. But, I felt, after two years of dating, we'd be fine getting married. I felt I shouldn't judge him or expect him to fail based on his past rough childhood. (And he was an awesome partner up until about three years ago.)
Well, for what it's worth, I think you did the best you could. Some signs are obvious. Some are not. It sounds like they weren't there, at least not that you could see, and that's the only way we can understand it from here: what you saw.
I mean how can we judge somebody on their "potential" to screw up? That's the same thing as judging our future mate on their potential to become who we want them to be. You can only take them as they are, and if that's the person you love, then run with it.
The worst part, is that it's never just our spouse. It's how we react to what they do wrong. Are we too forgiving, are we too vindictive, or are we handling it just right? We don't know the answer until the problem changes. It's like the ripples on the pond analogy.
Our thing? I have no doubt that there are other issues that she's not mentioning. Things that are deeper than the things I mentioned last week. I think that those things just gave her an excuse. A means to free herself. Maybe I'm in denial, but I don't think so.
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