Oh foul wind of irony thy name is divorce!
[insert thunder-clap, lightning-flash, and gale force wind-spittle here]
Is she going to make me hate that which has been my friend and ally for so long? Me hating irony? Now that's ironic.
Don't ya think?
Sorry, slipped into an Alanis Morissette moment. I'm back. Irony. Follow me on this. I told you she's moving on the 3rd and 4th, and that I have to make plans to get out of here? Well I do. I know I talked about Laughlin, and that's still the plan, but it's more difficult than I originally thought.
First there's my job. I get 1 weekend a month. Those are chosen by emailed seniority. I've been there a while, I think I'm #2 on the list, so that's not the problem. The problem is, MyWife originally told me she wanted to move on the 17th and 18th, so those are the dates I requested. Now I have to send a grovel-mail to our personnel director, begging for different days off. She likes me, but she's also out of town until Sunday. That means I first need to be sure I can get the weekend off, then reserve a room. If I have to wait until next Monday to do it, I could lose out on the room.
I know, I know, Nevada in August. What are the chances that they'll run out of space?
That's what I thought when we got Married. Yeah, we did the Vegas wedding thing. It sounds like we gamble a lot, doesn't it? We don't. We're just salmon returning to spawn; it appears we can only have sex in Nevada. No, I'm kidding.
Yeah, we were married in the Orleans hotel casino. We got their cheap package, (cuz we were, well…broke) and called all our friends and family. It's funny, none of her family showed up, and everyone I knew, knew they wouldn't, so when I walked into the chapel for the ceremony, everybody was sitting on her side. All my friends and family, her side was packed. My side? Empty. It was cool, because they were all looking out for her. Why do I bring that up? I don't know, just one of those wisps of memory I'll need to file away for a while.
So I was worried about getting the room while she moves out. Well that, and I'm the type of person who likes things done. If it can be done, why leave it. It's just a loose hair on the itchy face of OCD. I need to make it go away.
I called the hotel. I can change the reservation later if I need to; I want a good deal. More importantly, I want a room. MyWife has a coupon for a reduced rate, and she gave it to me so that I could afford the stay. She's always thinking of me. I mention this when I ask the reservation girl about the coupon over the phone.
"Yeah, " she says, "Your wife just needs to show her ID at the desk—"
"What if she's not coming?"
I can hear the girls brain working. "Well," she says. She's trying hard not to call me a cheater for going to a hotel without my wife. "It's her coupon. She needs to be there."
I could try to play the "my wife's leaving me" card for sympathy points, but opt to swallow it like a man. "So I can't use her coupon huh?"
"Not if she's not coming. Do you have an account with us?"
"I think so."
"What's your name?"
I tell her, and there's a long pause.
"How many Robert Blogwriters are there in California?"
"I know, it's a common name. Sorry. It's even worse for me because there are three others in my family."
"Really? You're a fourth?" Her voice says she's forgiven for being a philandering husband.
"Yeah, I'm the only Rob. The rest are Bobs."
"Cool. When's your birthday?'
I give her that information.
"I have one born on March 12, that’s close."
"Is it close enough to get me the room?"
"No."
"Well, it's not close enough."
She continues her search, but it's fruitless. If I want a good rate on the room while my wife is moving out, I need to bring her to Laughlin with me. MyWife laughed at this, she likes Irony too.
"Did you try Vegas? You know I'll let you use some of my frequent flyer miles."
"Yeah, I looked into that. Everybody's over $100 a night. It's not worth it."
"Oh."
"Well there is one place that was less. They were only like $65 a night."
"Really? Where was that?" She perks up.
"The Orleans."
"Oh." Then she tries to put a bright spin on things, "I could wait until September to move if you like."
"So I can stay at the Orleans? Thanks. With my luck they'd put me in our same room."
She laughs.
"Don't laugh, you'd be the one they'd call to identify the body."
Her eyes squint. She can't tell if I'm joking.
I am. Still there's no way I'm staying at the Orleans. I made reservations in Laughlin. I can deal with that. But she's stealing the things I love. First our marriage, and now irony. What's next? No, I better not ask that. It's a little too ironic.
And yeah, I really do think...
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