2, that's right, 2 entries on a Saturday! What's the world coming to? I dunno. I wrote most of this up this morning, and was going to save it until Monday. You know, perfect it make it cool, fill in some of the allusions... but I'm having a rough day today. I'm not sure what it is. I have my suspicions, but I'm trying to block them out. So, I decided to post. It's like rolling a note into a bottle and hurling it into the ocean knowing only one person in the world understands your language, and can reply with a flare, but they don't want the gun. I'm gonna be on this island a long time.
I had trouble picking a video too, I couldn't get the one I wanted embeded, and my second choice didn't work either. So Firefox users, use your tabs and listen while you read
Watch them both and let me know: Raconteurs, or Nanci Griffith? I'd set up an official poll, but by the time I figured that out, I'd have to stop to put up Christmas lights. So, here's the post. Happy Weekend!
I was feeling low this weekend. Yeah, I admit it, sometimes it's just tough. I want to say it's because I love WyWife and I'm looking for any reason to make her stay. I swear, it's what I want to say, and I would if I were less honest.
That's not it. So why am I low? Well, I'm honest, but according to reader Natalie, I still have a shell. I think I'm gonna curl inside it now. Let this be one of the few times I don't over-explain something into chaotic complexity. We'll just say I'm lonely and leave it at that.
So what does an attention whore do when he's feeling lonely? He looks for the one person who's always there for him.
I tried, but MyWife was in the bathroom; I didn't have access to the mirror.
How could she be so selfish?
That's alright, no need to panic. I just need to try something new. Something that doesn't involve stirrups and a ball gag. Ok, I swear that's a joke. Really, IF I tried that, it would still be something new.
A few months ago I emailed a friend about my blog.
"Just Google my usual screen name. I'm sure it's there. " You can't Google my real name, it's too common. I am anything but too common, thank you very much. After I sent the email, I decided I should try it.
Just call me Narcissus, but not in public.
You know what? Google search has dedicated 3 pages to me! WOO freakin' HOO! (Grphter, not Narcissus, there were too many pages there, I looked. Actually I got thwarted at the nude dude at the bottom of page 1. That kinda stopped my search. Yeah, go ahead. I know my demographic. I'll be here when you get back.)
So in my latest moment, I thought, Maybe I'm lonely because nobody knows I exist. So, I Googled me again. This time there was more of me. Stuff, old and new. If anybody knew my screen name, or randomly thought of it, they could find me. That was hopeful.
But what if they didn't know my screen name? Could they find me? My only current work seems to be this blog, but then again that's why I started it. I got tired of staring at a blank Microsoft Word page and a smiling paperclip who had more ideas to put down than I did.
"The bitch must die." was a great intro, but kind of alienating. And when I followed that up with "When Karl stabbed her three times in the chest, he found that she had no heart." I thought it was probably better to concentrate my efforts somewhere else.
So, I've spent 3 months writing this blog, am I out there? Can people find me? I typed in the title of my blog.
Enter
Bam! First entry. I perked up a bit. I tried something tougher:
"Friendly divorce"
Enter.
Bam! "Divorce source: Friendly Divorce."
What? I should be the primary resource! What the hell is this. Franticly I clicked the numbers at the bottom of the page. It appears, I'm not as high on the broad source divorce help list as I'd hoped. I knew I shouldn't have posted all those pictures!
I did find me somewhere around page 8. So at least I was listed. It kinda hurt so I thought I'd try different things.
I tried one of my titles. The "Dead disco, dead funk, dead rock and roll." (which by the way, is a really cool song.)
Enter.
Nothing. Well there was something, it was the Metric site. Figures, the band would get precedence over my divorce blog here. Whores! I gave up looking for me around page 10. Unthwarted, I tried something else. I added my screen name to the end of the search.
Enter
Bam! I am the only thing on the list. Thank you very much.
I explored Google for about an hour, learning which touches brought which responses. What was good touch, what was bad touch. It was an afternoon of discovery.
In the end, I felt a little better. It's not the same. It's not what I'm missing, but it drove me through another day, and left me wondering what I'd find in the next.
One thing I did find though. If you go to Google and type "accidental rubbing during haircut," I'm not the only site listed, but I am the first on the hearts and minds of our internet community.
You care. You really do care! Now if only it weren't so anonymous.
No comments:
Post a Comment