I was left at the alter.
Kneeling, I prayed it couldn't be; prayed nobody noticed. How could they not? They saw me there, and knew what had happened, they'd watched the whole thing.
No, it wasn't a would-be bride that abandoned me, although the ring reminder on my left hand should have been a neon sign advocating "Flee!" That's still not what happened.
I wrote a story—or at least a chapter—about signs a little over a year ago. The ones God gives us and we fail to see. The people, the events, those things that direct our lives to the least plausible outcome. Yet, when we look back at the signs, we see it was the only plausible conclusion.
I'm not here to argue free choice vs. destiny. Me? I'm a firm believer in free choice. Why else would God beat us into submission with warning signs? That's what the story was about, but not why I was stranded at the altar. At least I don't think so, yet.
No, this was communion Sunday, and our lead pastor was on vacation. This left our backup pastor, a deacon and a passel of elders to deliver the sacrament. Now, although I am a fairly devout Christian, sometimes they lose me amidst all the religiosity. Like the Deacon. I have no clue where deacon falls in the church hierarchy. Is he like a master sergeant or a ensign? I don't know. All I know is he was the guy passing out the wine. That was his job When he's done with that, he's supposed to bless us and send us on our way.
I received my wine, but didn't get my blessing. Is that a sign?
When MyWife and I got married we opted for a unity candle. During the ceremony, we couldn't light it; either her candle or mine would blow out. It took the pastor and his butane hand of God to bring us together.
Now that's a sign.
So the deacon goes back to cover the morning's leftovers, and organize the alter. The choir is done singing, and I'm sitting there. Ok, I wasn't alone, there were about ten of us, but they don't write this blog, it's mine. It's about me, and I'm still kneeling. I still haven't been blessed. One the elders notices, and tries to get the deacon's attention.
No good, he's lost in his own world. I'd like to think he was saying a prayer for the forgotten.
The second pastor sees us sill on the lurch, and grabs a plate from the altar. He thinks we haven't even gone this far yet. The good news, is that his motion gains the deacon's attention. Now the deacon's coming to save us too. He shakes his head at the other pastor, "That's not what they need."
Well it's what I came for. At least the first round. The way things are going, I don't see where a second round can hurt. I really would like the blessing though. I hope he doesn't hear my thoughts. He'll take back the sacrament.
Can he do that? I should have called no take backs. That's the second time I've screwed that up at the alter. If I ever get married again, just before I say "I do," I'm slapping her in the arm and calling "No take backs!" That'll endear me to the in-laws. At least they'll know I'm serious. Well, they'll know I'm something….
So the deacon came over, blessed us and sent us on our way. I normally like to go back to my seat and pray right after communion. Thank God, lay my problems at Christ's feet, you know. This divorce is leaving me with quite the load too. I keep expecting God to say, "Ya know, I was talking metaphorically don't you? You should probably keep some of this." He'll start poking through my sins and regret like it's a stack of dirty underwear, lifting some of it with a prod, and putting back in my sack. He never does though. It always comes back clean and crisp. All of it. That's why I like to pray after communion.
Today I didn't have the time. The choir leapt into the closing hymn just as I reached my seat. I still took a moment after service though. I'd had communion, I needed to commune. Life has been so frantic lately, even the signs blur past before I can see them. But maybe that's what this was. A moment to breath and reflect before the next leg begins. I was held at the altar to wait, to yield. I've never been good at yielding, but signs say I should learn.
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