"I got a new place!"
"That's great. Is it the one you wanted?'
"No the other couple got that. But they did find me a house."
"Cool."
"Yeah, we had to work out something with the owners on the pets but it's good now."
"Great."
"Yeah it's a 3 bedroom house, and it comes with a gardner."
"Awesome."
What else can I say? She continues for another 20 minutes all excited. And I'm excited for her.
Sort of.
We've been here, and I won't dissect it again, it only makes me a bigger whiner. It is tough though. Imagine laying on your back, staring at the stars.
Oooh…look at the pretty lights….
Then each star comes down and grabs one bodily hair--Granted, this works better if you’re a guy or a gorilla, but ladies try and keep up. With that hair the star returns to it's home in the sky. With or without you, the hair is leaving to the heavens. This is how it feels.
So she's got a new house and I'm glad and numb.
We've been here. No we haven't, we've been dreading here. This is the next step to the land of the single and the home of the brave. She's an excited teenager with her first apartment, I'm an old man living alone.
I know that's not true either. I saw her eyes. She'd been crying. I'll pretend it was about me. Maybe it'll be true. No, she's excited because it moves her one step closer to her goal. It is, but it isn't about me. She knows that I'll be gone when it's done, and that’s 7 years of failure, she won't be able to talk about.
It's tough. And when I’m not dancing in my own pity party I want to reach out to her. I want to tell her it'll be alright, but that's not my job anymore.
So now I'm trying to get the weekend off from work so I can disappear. I think I'm going to Laughlin. I get a free weekend there, and it'll be good to do something non-divorce related. My dad offered me a room, but I can't go home. I'll just stare at the clock and wonder what she's loading into a truck now.
No, alcohol, gambling, and a swimming pool. I think I can handle that. I'll raise a toast to her. I'll write a little for you, and I'll take in the Nevada sunshine for me. Maybe a little luck will rub off. Maybe the waters of the Colorado River will cleanse my every ailment, making me a young boy again.
Naw. I like the old guy. He'll be lonely for a while, but he's more interesting. He throws better pity parties too!
2 comments:
I don't know if it'll make you feel any better, but I can guarantee she's also having a hard time with this. She's just handling it differently.
yeah...[trying to put my Rob-like sarcasm aside] I'm not really feeling better about that. Oh I wouldn't tell her that, but that's another story. Because you're right, we show it differently, and sadly enough, to each other, we don't show it at all. It's all smoke and mirrors.
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