It's the raining Amazon here!
No wait, that's not right, no "the."
Try again.
It's raining Amazon here. There, that's what I meant to say. Every day I step outside there's at least one new cardboard box with a black smiley placed on my porch. MyWife is exodus stocking. I expect camels caravans loaded down with dry goods and moist towelettes to show up on the lawn any day. When they arrive, maybe I can run them with Christmas lights. You know, make 'em festive.
She's got pallets of new toys plastic wrapped and piled in our guest room, and our guest room isn't even that big! Even worse, she hasn't opened one box yet. How frustrating is that? Open them! See them, feel them, touch them Tommy…ok, slight tangent, sorry. I'm telling you, I might as well be the one with all the new stuff. I'm dying to go nutty with a box cutter and check things out. It's like Christmas! Maybe if I could just pry up a corner of packing tape…
NO!
If I want to know, I can log onto her computer, then go to Amazon. They'll let me see what she's looked at most recently, and that would give me an idea what she's bought. I don't want to do that though. It's cheating. It's like ruining Christmas. Not that her leaving is a celebration; I just like surprises.
I want to be able to wander the house and discover newness after she moves. Maybe I'll look like the Monopoly guy on the "Bank Error..." card when I say, "Hey! She left the book cases." or "Oh man! she took all the cutting boards!" I guarantee she ain't touching my clothes. That'll make this a Christmas without socks and underwear. First time in my life! Maybe things are looking up.
I know what's in one of the boxes: Knives. I'm kinda glad to see she hasn't opened that one yet. I notice she keeps eying it though. I really hope they aren't pre-sharpened.
I look at all the money she's spending on "Preperation" and go "Where's she getting all of that?" You know something though? I know where.
I paid bills the other day and noticed that for the first time, we're going to have money left over this month. That's the first time since we've been married. See, after the re-fi all our bills disappeared. Well, not really disappeared, I know where the bills went, but still, you get my point. There aren’t anymore credit card bills, student loans, or car payments. These have all gone the way of the dodo, and we can actually save for the cool things we used to sit on the porch and talk about wanting: swimming pools, big screen tvs, a cooler porch on the front of the house, a trip cross country, whatever. We now have the means; we just lack the desire.
When we split, money will be tight. It'll be worse for me, because I've got the mortgage monkey on my back. She'll only have whatever new bills she accumulates, and whatever her new found friends and Amazon can convince her she needs. We'll both be alright though. I know my limits, and as long as she watches her spending, she'll be good. I still worry about her though; She has a tendency to spend outside her reality. But I might as well pack that worry into a corrugated cardboard container, tape it up, and toss it on her pile. It no longer belongs to me. That's just something else she'll take with her.
2 comments:
You know, Rob, this true confessions journal of yours is starting to read like a novel. I'm beginning to come back to it day after day, and night after night, just as if it were a book that I can't put down. And even though I know the beginning and I'm pretty sure I know what the end will be, I'm fascinated with the story line. I like how you reveal your continuing love and admiration for your wife in soft subtle ways and how you've made her into a sympathetic figure like a character in a novel. We are beginning to understand her and even like her and we, too would like her to be happy, just as we like you and we want you to be happy and we find ourselves hoping against hope for your mututal happiness. And yet you never let us forget the reality---that the situation is hopeless. And how the best thing will be when you both are free from the pain of hoping against hope.
Thanks Natalie. Tho one thing I'm most grateful for, concerning your post, is that you find MyWife sympathetic. We're all flawed, but there were things that brought her and I together to begin with, and no matter what either of our feelings are now, those things will never change. When I spoke my vows I knew most of her flaws, and I loved her. Now some of the things between us turn the smallest flaws into crimes against humanity. I'm trying to keep things in perspective, and through your post I see that I'm succeeding on some levels.
Thank you.
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