I made my stand. Two feet firmly planted into the cement email, I dropped into unknown waters. "Doors have been shut," I said. "Our best bet," I suggested. Each bubbling breath drawing me deeper and deeper. Needing an end, any end.
Saturday, I received my reply. She didn't say anything, just went about her Saturday business. Her new Saturday business, the business that became routine after she set aside the role of wifedom. This includes doing nothing really, but doing it in a room where I am not present. She used to sit with me, and we'd read the paper together. This Saturday I read the paper, she wandered through the house making a list.
Saturday is shopping day, and she had a big one planned. This trip was so big, so gigantic, that it would require we split up. I know, we're already doing that, but she wanted to practice with groceries as well. Baby steps I guess. I'd do the Costco trip, and she'd hit Target and Vons. That was her plan. My plan? I didn't have one, I was still trying to figure out what she wanted in the larger scheme of things. Who was getting toilet paper and who was picking up rat poison for the ice cream was furthest from my mind.
Rat poison? Ice cream? Was that on her list? I need to check! We don't have rats and I do like ice cr-wait a minute...
After my paper, I showered. When I was done, she was gone.
"Hello?" No answer. I had to be sure, I'm alone so much these days I'm afraid I'll start taking it for granted. In this case, She was already at the store. Before I left to do the same, I thought I'd check my email. Maybe she'd replied to my line in the sand.
How many clichés can I pull out for this? Just wait and see.
"Welcome! You have mail." Sure enough, the only email in the AOL account is from her. Opening it, I was dazzled by blank space.
She did reply, right?
Blinking twice, I checked the screen again. Yes! Yes there it was! Sparse blue text floating in the sea of white space: her reply.
It read:
This does appear to be a very reasonable option. Good find.
That's it. No signature no nothing! What does that mean? I mean yeah, I speak English I know what the words say but it's the volumes it doesn’t say that bother me. It doesn't say, "let's look over this next weekend." or "Are you sure?" or even "you’re an asshole." it just says "reasonable." Oh yeah, and she closed with the compliment. Let's not forget that. What the hell?
If you make a stand in the middle of the ocean and nobody sees it, is it still a stand?
At the bottom of her email was the little AOL ad; their fee for using their e-postal service. We delivered your email, you read our ad.
I'm a sheep. I read it. It said:
See what's free at AOL.com.
And all I could think was: "apparently not answers."
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