Did you ever have a secret so cool that you had to tell someone? To hold it in was like breathing poison, but to breathe it out was like feeding blooms?
For me, our marriage was always like that. No, not a secret, but I always had something cool I needed to share with MyWife. Nothing was a secret; I shared everything, and probably things she'd rather I didn't.
MyWife: "Yes honey, I know Lucky Charms has new shapes, but I have to get ready for work."
Me: "Ok, I just thought you should know."
MyWife: "Thank you."
Me: "MyWife? Hi, it's me. Sorry I'm calling you at work but guess who died today? The woman who played Lily Munster. I thought you'd like to know. Ok, have a great day at work. Bye, I love you."
Me: "Pookie, I have a rash. Check this out. Does this look normal?"
MyWife: "AAAHH!!!!!"
Me: "Is that a no? Wait! Let me pull up my pants…"
See? It was cool. You know what was really cool? She was the first person I wanted to tell anything, and when it was really good news I couldn't wait to see her reaction.
When I scheduled the interview for my current job, I called her on the phone. She was so excited that we met for lunch and talked about what a great opportunity it was. She fueled my enthusiasm.
Likewise, I loved to hear her stuff, good or bad. If it was bad, I loved knowing I could make her smile. When she got passed up the first time for the job she has now, she found out at the end of the day, when the girl who got the job emailed everybody else who interviewed for it. Talk about screwed up. The manager didn't even have a chance to let them know first. Maybe it was her speed-email skills that got the girl the job.
But MyWife came home, and she was upset. I tried to put as good a spin on it as I could. I gave her a big hug and told her, "You'll get it next time. They just don't know what they missed out on. We need to make them know." The next day, I sent 2 dozen roses and a teddy bear to her work. It brightened her day. That was all I wanted.
Things aren't that way anymore. Everything is "hers" or "mine." The poison of secrets proliferate our worlds, corroding everything ever built. The cool stuff, the goods, the bads, the day to day? They're no longer shares, they're "hides."
This week I had a really good share, not one I can go into at the moment, but an opportunity opened up and I was really excited about it.
My first thought?
"I need to tell MyWife."
My second thought?
"Oh that's right, she doesn't care."
Luckily for me it was my birthday, I had other people calling in. I could tell them! It also gave me something good to talk about, rather than "Yeah, I'm still getting divorced."
But still I had something good in my life, and you know what, I discovered a new feeling. All that's bad lately has had everything to do with her. This good thing? Nothing to do with MyWife. That created a whole new problem, because now I'm thinking "MyWife equals everything that's wrong in my life. Now that she's leaving, things are getting good." I don't want to feel that way; It's not true. We've been involved for over 10 years, and I wouldn't trade them; I had a lot of sharing to do, and up to 2005, she listened. She cared. And as hokey as it sounds, she was my world, and everything I did involved her. It was the first time I had to share consideration of my actions. How would the things I did affect her?
I found out something else today. She's stopped wearing her wedding ring. I won't share that either, I think she already knows.
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