"Who of us can tell what these dark days will bring…"-David Usher

I hate indecisive people.

They're a pet peeve for me, right next to flakey people. Ok, I think indecisive rates higher. At least right now, for the sake of this blog, indecisive people are the bane of mankind. Write it down, there will be a test.

The California roadway: Home to indecision. I think there's a troll or something hiding under every overpass stealing peoples ability to make decisions. He used to take goats, but nobody travels with a goat these days do they? Too impractical, and they eat the damn seat cushions! So the trolls have combed over their hairy little toes and hatched a plan: Feed off people's ability to make up their mind. The plan does have one fatal flaw though: this is California, and the mental pickins are slim. The trolls have left our roadway as one huge parkinglot laden with dumbfounded idiots.

I mean really how tough is it? Pick a path, and run with it. Accelerator right, brake left, steering wheel: the big circle in the middle. The clutch is only for advanced participants. Just drive! Unless proven otherwise, assume you're path is right. It's easy!

Yesterday, while driving to my dentist appointment, I was reminded why I'm glad to work at home. I love people. They, wonderful and unpredictable, but that's never a good thing when you put them in a car! Then you add the indecision, let it sit in the warm California sun, and you get Rob Blogwriter shouting at his windshield "Move your freakin' ass" "Go! Go! Go," and my favorite of the day "For the love of God, who suggested you should drive?"

You wouldn't believe this but I didn't actually use the word "freakin'."

You may not believe this either, but I usually handle stress pretty well. I'm the go to guy when there's problems. Pick a course and run with it. It's the best way. Others don't do this. Others (non-Robs) spend more time worrying about what you (the other, other driver) is doing that they freeze up, what the hell?

I know I know, defensive driving and all, but remember "What's the best defense?" That's right: a good offense. So push the right pedal and lets go!

See? I'm a joy to travel with. That, by the way is the true test of any relationship: Take a road trip. The longer the better, and It has to be longer than a day. That's when people's real personalities come out to play. I'd tell you a cool story about this but I don't want to digress further. Notice, I added "further…"

See? That's what indecision does to me. Right now I'm frothing at the mouth. That may just be the toothpaste, but I don't care. There's froth! That's why it infuriates me when I find one of the most indecisive people in the world is me!

Yesterday as I was thinking about writing this entry. (Yeah I pre-think these thing. I know, they my seem plot-less, self-indulgent, and off the cuff, but I have to at least consider the cuff before I start writing otherwise it's this sleeveless atrocity of misdirection...Am I the only one that thinks my metaphor tangent just took a detour down some lost Arizona highway where the locals are waiting to filet some California tourist? Yeah, that's what I thought. Back to our story. Ok, I'll wait for you to reread the first sentence. Ready, O-K...) I was feeling so bitter, I couldn't think straight. That "better or worse" thing catches in my throat every time. I said it, I meant it. She said it, and well, 'worse" appears to be somewhere short of where we are now. Maybe we should have qualified "worse" in our vows.

Pastor: "Do you promise to love honor and cherish, for better or worse?""

MyWife: "How worse are we talking?"

Pastor: "Well, really hard times."

MyWife: "how hard? I can do papercuts."

Pastor: "I think probably harder than that."

MyWife: "Flu?"

Pastor: "Good start, go deeper."

MyWife: "Life threatening illness? I could probably deal with him dying."

Me: "Wha?"

MyWife: "It'll happen. If you do it quickly, I should be here."

Pastor: "I don't think that qualifies as worse"

MyWife: "What if it's hideously disfiguring, and not something quick like, say…poison."

Me: "Wha?"

Pastor: "OK I could see that as worse…"

Set the parameters early. That’s what we needed. See and I'm still here, and I can't think of anything "worse" than your partner trying to divorce you. And let me repeat, I'M STILL HERE!

So this morning I flipped. Indecision set in and I wasn't bitter anymore. Oh sure, I'm still here, but as we stood in the kitchen joking over ways she could sabotage my shower, I remembered why I love her. She reminds me that someone as dark and devious as myself exists. I like that. It's not the only reason I love her, but it's the only side I get to see these days.

So yeah, now I'm frustrated at myself, yelling into the mirror "GO! GO! GO!"

That's ok though, I have made one decisive move. I've purchased a re-keying tool for the locks on the house. When you're out, don't expect to get back in. I've made that decision.