Right to War

They’re warring in Lansing today.  For those of you not living in Michigan or not complete show-offs in your high school civics class, Lansing is the state capital.  For those of you who failed high school civics, the state capital is the town where a state’s elected people get together and bicker.  Michiganders call their bicker place Lansing.

Today the bickering isn’t really inside the capitol building, it’s outside, and in truth, it isn’t really bickering. The people outside aren’t arguing with each other. They’re of one mind.

“Rick is a Dick.”

Yeah, that’s what one of the signs read.  Rick is not the cute little raccoon from the Ranger Rick magazines we read as kids. I think we all can agree that Rick is no dick.  This Rick is Rick Snyder, the cute little Governor of Michigan, and there are those who are deadest in their belief of Rick’s dickey ways and the mob outside the capitol is an example of those dick believers.

They’re a rabid group of believers, shouting their mantra of “Kill the Bill.” And no, it’s not Tarantino movie night in Lansing.  This Bill is not a man; it’s a Schoolhouse Rock piece of paper.  You remember Schoolhouse Rock right?  The little kids blurbs between the cartoons trying to educated us with songs of grammar and math and yes, civics.   Remember the little roll of paper sitting glum on the capitol steps; worried he’d never become a law? Well this Lansing mob wants to kill him.

Why?  Because he represents something that they don’t want: the right to work.  See the mob on the capital lawn all has jobs that they’re not attending today so they can tell the Governor that not only do they think he’s a dick, but they’ll be damned if they’ll stand for him creating a law that gives everyone in the state of Michigan the right to work.

Don’t look at me. They can have my right to work.  I’m lazy. I say keep your work, keep your 30-degree appointments with the capital lawn, and keep your Rick the Dick. As for me, give me a down comforter and give me a nap.

Still, this group is rather rabid.  It’s so bad out there that the police are lined against the capitol building, rifles slung across their chests.  I can’t say that I blame them. The crowd’s yells of “Kill the Bill” seem pretty fervent.  The last time I saw a mob like that, Richard Denny ended up in the hospital.

“Can’t we all just get along?”

No, we can’t. There is a bill quivering behind armed police and we want him dead. I do understand the anger.  These people are union employees.  If Michigan becomes a right to work state, then the unions risk losing their grip on the government. If that happens, then some of these people could get negotiated into smaller wages because other people are willing to work (and can work) for less money. Smaller wages mean fewer perks for the family, and that brings down the Michigan quality of life. 

On the other hand, Rick the accused Dick is asking “What quality of life?” He believes that by giving people the right to work outside the union, he’s helping the state.  More people can work, and Union negotiation meetings stop looking like the torch wielding townies on the capitol lawn. In Rick’s mind the right to work will lead to less issues like the Hostess debacle, where Hostess folded because they couldn’t afford to meet the unions negotiating terms, and the union members left Hostess bakeries unstaffed until they could. Now everybody from Burgermiester to chief Twinkie maker to the king is out of work and we’ll never see them again.

So the storm clouds loom. Me I normally root for the least violent side.  I find that vehemence is usually the proud visage of fear on the face of ignorance. On the other hand, I watched the Pacquiao-Marquez fight this weekend. The blood is in the water and the sharks of mixed metaphors are all frenzied. From my armchair view, Michigan is bleeding money. Maybe this is what ignorance needs: a good punch in the face.

So as the two sides stand off, the rest of as watch, and wait, and pray that when this is all over, Michigan will be a place where we can take pride and raise our families, and bills are safe to walk the streets at night.