Weak Minds, Big Sticks, and other Wednessday Night TV

The season is almost over. The sights, the sounds, a certain crispness as cool winds blast your face. Brown flutters in the wind. Even on the TV. It’s everywhere and it’s almost over.

Thank God.  I hate election season.

Presidential years are especially bad because suddenly even Kim Kardashian is a pundit. Yeah.  I laughed a little when I said it too.  It’s ridiculous, and yet political times lead to ridiculous measures—and advertising.

I think the advertising is the worst because it plays on people’s worst fears and irrational preconceptions.

“Don’t vote for Bob. He’s a papereater.”

“Paper eating? Why that ain’t biblical.”

This of course leads to Bob’s rash of damage control ads, because his PR polls say that paper eating makes him sound old. Kids today train paper to do tricks.

“My opponent, Josephus has been spreading lies about me, just like he spread for Dog Fancy in the 70s. Oh he‘ll tell you he needed the money, but Josephus liked it.”

Gasp!

Now Americans are goaded into a pigeonhole decision: Are you a paper eater or a paper stripper?

I don’t need TV to tell me who I am.  Ok, maybe I do, but let me just say the world would be a sadder, more desperate place without Family Ties. And a little less sexy without that Justine Bateman.

Rowr, she gets my vote any day.

Ok, but enough of my political beliefs. Let’s talk about yours. Here in Michigan, they’ve added four constitutional amendments to this year’s ballot. Four? Really? The US constitution only has 27 and it took almost 200 years to complete that list. Is Michigan working for the fast amendment route? They certainly worked themselves into the fast unemployment route. That’s done us all so much good so far. Maybe we should fix the jobs before we fix the amendments.

That’s just me.

All these amendments propose to be great ideas. They will enforce everything from collective bargaining to green energy to a greedy maroon’s right stop the Governor’s bridge. They’re all important, but are they all-important enough to be included in the state’s constitution? I dunno. That’s for voters to decide.

While they’re deciding I have an amendment for the constitution: let’s include a “Pablo Sandoval must use a Wiffle Ball bat” amendment. Three home runs? Really? Freakin’ adorable panda…

But I’m only one vote and I’ve made up my mind. And that why all the political ads are so annoying: I shouldn’t have to watch another week of politicians reshaping weak minds with low budget mud catapults.  My weak mind is already made.