Perspectives

“Nobody else has it as hard as I do.”

Seems I’ve been watching a lot of reality TV lately.  I used to watch American Idol, but like my previous radio industry job, it’s becoming less and less about the music and more about the drama and the dollar.

Idol was bad enough with J-Lo and Steven Tyler.  Don’t get me wrong: J-Lo was a sweetheart, and Steven…well, he was fun to watch, but I never felt that when it came to the competitors, these two were anything more than big name fanboys.

“That was amazing!”

That was something all right. It could have been great, if you’d have said something constructive.

Now the show has new hosts. We have Hurricane Mariah, Nicki Who, and Mr. Kidman playing the role of Cousin Oliver. Yeah, I can’t wait to watch this year’s first act jump the shark. And yet so far this year’s buzz maelstrom has had nothing to do with talent. It’s about which diva started which catfight.  And no matter which witch started which, we’ve been assured there’ll be more claws and candy where that came from.

And I thought this was about music.

So now I’m tasting the Voice. I have to say, as far as talent shows go, the flavors here are authentic. The recipe is simple. Four judges whip a froth of talented vocalists until the best sets, and the rest settles to the bottom.  The winner gets sprinkles, accolades, and a cherry on top. Ok, I’m assuming the accolades, but I know there’ll be cherries and sprinkles.

The thing that works for the Voice, is that the judges are competing against each other. You’d think that might create more cattiness, but it doesn’t. See, these are trained professionals, and they know how to get what they want. To do that,  they need to show sweetness on the top so they can slide the knife in from underneath. Cuz it’s not just the contestants who want to win, so do their coach/judges.

So I watch. And so I learn. See so far every contestant bio for every person who’s mounted the stage includes these words: “Nobody else has it as hard as I do.”

Wha?  I thought this was a singing contest not a whining contest. If it’s a whining contest, then somebody get me an application. I’m gonna go show them what a whiny ass is all about.

Yeah every contestant has a “hard” background unlike any other.

“I’m a waitress.”

“I come from a small town.”

“I’m a washed up child star.”

“I’m poor.”

“I was kidnapped at gunpoint when I was five.”

It’s like the Breakfast Club review, except maybe that last one. And yes, she is a still a contestant. Not because she was kidnapped, but because that girl can sing. The girl who lost her house in Katrina? She went home. The Sympathy card doesn’t play as well on the show called the Voice.

That doesn’t stop people from using their voice to pitch it though.  And I do get it. It’s TV. But as a frustrated artist myself, this sounds less like TV and more like the voices in my head.

By the end of the show I find myself shouting at the screen, “Really? I’ve got two unpublished novels and a read- by-family-only blog. What makes you any more deserving than I am? Talent?  OK, well you’ve got me there…”

All the while the Pirate Queen is hiding all the hurlables until she finally changes the channel to Hoarders “Honey, here. These people have it harder than you do.”

She’s right.

And yet I can still say, “Nobody else has it as hard as I do.”

Why?

Because apparently it takes at least one hour of hard-luck television to give my life perspective.