200 posts? Wow, If I were a TV show I'd be all excited. As it stands, my readership is still somewhere below The OJ Simpson book. That's ok, my readers seem loyal, and know that I'm going to rob their house or worse. I can live with the differences between me and OJ.
Speaking of OJ, I was reading through my old posts, trying to see how things had changed, if things were better or worse. You know. Just being self indulgent. (What? You don't see the subject tie to OJ? What's not to see? It's fresh, it's pulpy, what more could you want? Concrete segues are so passé. I'm all about vague and gassy. Or gauzy, you make the call.)
I ran across something from my trip to Laughlin. I was worried about dining alone. I laughed my ass off when I reread that. You know how many times I've eaten out since she left? How many time I could afford to eat out? I'll give you a clue: It rhymes with zero and starts with a Z. Let's see you get that connection. It's all about the money. I'd have no problem eating at a table alone. I would however, find the waitress Tasering me as I fled the scene extremely embarrassing.
"You may not pay your tab but you damn well ain't forgetting my @#$! tip!"
I thought about watching a movie this weekend. You know, find a matinee, rest my feet up on the back of somebody else's seat, "accidentally" rock my foot into his head each time he leans in to kiss his date., and see something on a screen larger than a computer monitor. The problem was there wasn't much that I actually wanted to watch.
I did consider one movie. I'd kinda like to see Lars and the Real Girl. That's the one starring Ryan Gosling as the guy who's looking for a meaningful relationship with a sex doll. It's an odd premise, dealing more with one man's inability to connect with other people. People who've seen it seem to love it or hate it. So long as I know I'm going to feel something when I walk out in the parking lot, that's what's important. I need the adrenaline to face the guy I've been kicking in the head. Seems he's got a bone to pick with me, and he's swingin' it like a mace. If it weren't for his girlfriend sneaking up behind me with the flaming can of hair spray I think I could take him. This is how I spend my Friday nights. That's why my theater has a fountain: to douse the flames of my bitterness.
My only problem is I didn't think Lars sounds like a good movie to see alone. It's sort of confirming the "Rob's" pathetic premise. Then again it's not really a date film. I suppose I could buy a sex doll to sit with, but those things are expensive. I mean, not like I've priced them or anything. It just seems that…
Nevermind. Nothing I say from here out will make me sound ok.
It would be kind of cool to take one to dinner and a movie. I mean just to see people's reactions. Watching them watch me, trying to figure out if I know the doll is real or not.
It's no different than renting kids to watch the Harry Potter films.
"No, I'd love to take your kids to the movies. My name is Rob. Why are you staring at me?"
See, that's what's cool about having kids. You can watch all the cartoons, and play video games without feeling guilty. Then when the turn 18 you start over.
"C'mon Jimmy, just one more episode of Yogi Bear before you go to college."
"No Dad, I'm too old for that."
"Fine! We didn't want you anyway! You were an accident!"
Oh yeah, that and reading kids books again. Green Eggs and Ham up to Where the Red Fern Grows. I haven't read them in years. Lets not forget the cool way you get to hold the book to show illustrations. Three middle fingers wedged around the book like a human paper clip. If you have multiple kids, you can fan the book across the room for all to see.
We never had kids. I don't get to do the whole cool book holding, story thing, and nope. No kids films for me. Right now you're my extended family and I'm working on post 201.
Want to see a movie?
11 comments:
So true about getting to relive your childhood. I didn't realize this aspect of parenthood until a good friend pointed out when my first was born that now I got to do cool stuff without people looking at me weird like going out in costume with my little one in tow. We play video games, watch cartoons, jump rope, play with the pogo stick, slip n slide, etc. The list is endless.
I don't know about the "getting to relive" thing. I mean you're the parent here, and you have a better perspective, but I thought it was more like stealing the highlights. A greatest hits, or enjoying the things you took for granted, without all the other junk like playground fights and getting picked last for kick ball.
It's funny. I forget which movie it was but we practically kidnapped my niece to go watch it. I think it might have been one of the Shreck flicks.
You can ask MyUnwife. I'm really just a big kid anyway. I love to play, and unlike many of my compatriots, I even enjoy playing with kids. They're probably the only people I'm patient with.
Oh yeah! and I have a lot of old Disney on laser disc and DVD. Yeah, I'm a ToysRus kid...
Did I mention board games? I've got those too, which is funny considering I live alone. I'm a boyscout of preparedness.
Every time somebody comes to the door, I'm like "Hey! Wanna play a game?" They don't come to my door anymore....
So I'm looking this over, and I realize I sound like Yosemite Sam in that one cartoon where he's running against Bugs for office.
Mayor?
Governor?
Anyway, remember how he ran about "And I just lo-o-o-ve babies! Somebody give me a baby to kiss!"
Sometimes I crack myself up. Not because I'm funny (Good Lord, I'm so not that), but because I'm so absurd...
Which games do you have?
We have lots of classics as well as a couple of modern games like Scene It, plus a bunch of games for the kids.
Sadly, I haven't seen that one. I love the ones with Yosemite Sam.
Have you ever caught an episode of Dexter's Laboratory? My 7 yr old is a big Dexter fan, and my 4 year old loves Tom and Jerry.
They just asked me to watch an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos (I refuse to call it AFV) with them.
Ok, first Thanks for keeping me distracted...I'll post on that in a bit.
Second, I just went and checked my games. I had to inventory what does and doesn't exist. Once again--Great distraction. I don't really have anything in kid's games. I do have Sorry. So at least that's something. After that, they're all over the board. No pun intended.
Clue, Boggle, Uno, Pictionary, Taboo (which is still in my trunk with "Act Out" from the last time we went to somebody's house. We used to go prepared.) Trivial Pursuit. The 80's Game, Mastermind, Rummikub, Scrabble, Life, Monopoly (3 sets. 1 commemorative 2 regular), Scene it, Chess (Cuz I love chess even if MyUnwife wouldn't play it with me), Yahtzee, Supremacy, Battle of the Sexes, Pente, and 6+ decks of cards, including a deck consisting of paintings from contemporary English paiters. One painting per card including jokers.
I don't think she took any games. I was always the game guy though. Even as a kid, I'd sit and play board games, even if I was alone. I'd set up other players and play myself.
As for the rest...
I haven't ever seen Dexter. It came after my time, and without kids, I don't have cartoon excuses. I could lock up the house and change the channel, but then the neighbors would think I'm watching porn.
The name of the Sam cartoon is "Ballot Box Bunny." you can actually find it on YouTube. Or go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTfaQcKf9Gc
Oh, and go ahead and call me pretentious. I call it AFV. ;)
I'm happy to keep you distracted if you feel like being distracted. I'm sorry about your grandfather. I said a prayer yesterday when I read your post about him. I'll keep him in my prayers.
Thank you. Your prayers are appreciated. If you include my family, especially my step-mom, and grandmother that would be a great kindness.
I suck at death. So distractions are good. Man, what I'd do for a good game, cartoon, or slip 'n slide about now. Ok, so it's too cold for the slip 'n slide, but it's the thought that counts.
I will.
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