Livin' the Dream

Ever felt like you’re living in somebody else’s dream and the only way to wake up is to get out?  I’ve been a character in somebody else’s dreary dream, and I’m done. I’ve talked to MyQueen and it’s decided: We’re leaving Detroit.

We’re moving to Mars!

No, not the berg just the other side of Pittsburgh. We’re moving to the planet, just this side of the asteroid belt.

There’s a Netherlands non-profit, named Mars One and they’re pulling together a Mars colonization team, and I think we meet their criteria:

Are you over 18?

Yes.

Do you want to go to Mars?

Double Yes.

You’re in!

See?  Piece of cake. Yeah, yeah, there are some other criteria, but it’s not like they’re looking for Buzz Aldrin.  They’re looking for RobBloggers, willing to contribute. According to Circa, Mars One will consider you if you are “intelligent,” (that’s me!) “in good mental and physical health,” (I could fake that) “and dedicated to the mission.” (Viva la mission!)

So what is the mission? To colonize Mars. That’s easy! All I gotta do is take MyQueen, then we turn into a couple of breeders, and we colonize Mars.  That’s I job I can get behind!

Insert porn music here.

“I gave my all for my mission…”

TMI? Yeah, MyQueen says the same thing. But, she can’t say that on Mars! Cuz in space, no one can hear your excuses. Besides, it’s our mission!

Yup, Mars One is planning eight years on Mars, to establish a community.  Think Gilligan’s Island meets Space 1999 without the surly captains. I’ll be Thurston Verdeschi, the rich handsome second in command who’s quick with a laser, quick with a joke, and knows the best time to whip out either one. MyQueen will be Mary Ann Maya, the woman with two first names, and we call her MAM for short, cuz she’s that good.

ROWR.

The plan is Mars One drops us off with two other settlers and some supplies, then every two years brings more supplies and more settlers. There is currently no planned return trip, but there’ll be lots more settlers.  What arrives on Mars, stays on Mars. It’ll kinda be like the Pilgrims without the Indians, unless we bring our own. I doubt they’ll come, though. I am sure they’ll give us a big send off. They’re great hosts.

“Bye! Thanks for visiting our land! Enjoy you’re new home!”

“Boy, they stayed way too long.”

“I know! did you get them a goodbye gift? I did. I got them some beads.”

“Nice, nice…I offered some blankets…”

So MyQueen and I will snuggle on Mars, livin’ the dream and creating a Martian army until the next group of settlers arrive with the Applebees. 

Wait…what?  No Applebees?  What about a Yardhouse? Brewhouse? We get an outhouse…yay…

So…latest news…MyQueen and I are staying in Detroit…