Thanksgiving 2012

It’s Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? 

Me, I’m thankful for several things. Most of which are the normal: wife, home, food, etc.  That’s not to belittle any of these items. They’re all important, especially the wife. She reads my blog. I could never forget her…and live.

“The cranberries have a bitter almond flavor this year.”

So yeah, I’m thankful for My Queen.

I’m also thankful for things that are not.  I’m thankful for not being Albert Einstein.  Great man, brilliant man, knew the speed of light and how to keep things relative. You’ve read my blog. You know that I suck at keeping things relative. My family knows too. This will be another Thanksgiving I spend 2000 miles away from all of them.

It’s better this way. I’ve seen the horror holiday movies. Families and Thanksgiving go together like toothpaste and orange juice. That’s the true gift the Indians gave us that first Holiday. We gave them beads, they gave us family stuffing and resentment gravy.

“What do you mean Rob wet the bed till he was 15?”

Einstein’s family gave his brain to science.  Yeah. I’d wet my bed at night worrying about that. That’s right. After Einstein died, they cut out his brain, ran it down to the photo booth for commemorative pictures and then chopped it up into Hors d'oeuvre sized bits.

“Try the patte. It’s brain food.”

Ok, they didn’t serve it, but they did study it.  Even last week they uncovered new information about Einstein’s brain.  Do you realize what that means? They’re still looking at it! What the heck?  Did you read where I said he was brilliant and great? Let him rest.

That’s why I’m thankful to announce what you already know: I’m no genius.  I’m a blogger for heaven’s sake. You don’t get much further from the center of genius universe than that.

I’m also not gonna have scientists, for generations to come, using my brain for much more than a paperweight. I’m thankful that when I die, I can rest in peace.

I’m also thankful that I’m not at the other end of the spectrum.

“Abby someone.”

Yeah, they study those people too.  Lindsey Stone will probably get her brain examined if she survives the social media backlash for her moment of shame. She’s the girl who posted the picture of herself disrespecting the tomb of the Unknown Soldier last week. She’s so brilliant she might even lose her job over that. I hope her piece of comedy was worth the price.

“To become a moron takes the deepest commitment, the most absent mind. Dignity, respect. A moron craves not these things. Think not. Do.”

You tell ‘em Yoda.  I’m thankful I’m not him either. Yoda lived on a dark planet with nobody else around. I love people. They amaze me. Lindsey, I’m shocked and saddened, and thankful that my father taught me better. He taught me that I can be an idiot and an ass, but not when it hurts others more than it hurts me. There’s a fine line between humor and haughty disrespect, and let’s face it, I’m blind, I still trip over that line on a regular basis. I’m just happy when someone like Lindsey reminds me where that line is.

And then I’m thankful they’re not me.