Principles in Packing

Packing. You either hate it, or you hate it. There is no in-between. Me? I hate it.

Actually the process itself isn't that bad, it's the deciding what to take and what not to take. I mean, divorce packing is one thing, but trip packing is another.

See, the thing about divorce packing is it's like a mad game show: you grab everything you can of value, without wasting space on trash. Grabbing the silver is fine, but when it comes to the fragile things, leaving the fine crystal is better than taking it. Crystal requires safety space, bubble wrap, and slow travel. I'll tell you 8 Lenox flutes are not on the smart packers take list. Unless the other person wants them, then the spite value is high. What's more, if you're taking them for spite, you don't need to waste packing space on the bubble wrap. Pack them with the tools. What's more, you can fill them with screws and nails so that now they're carrying something.

I say these things, but I do worry that somebody taking me seriously. That's why I waited until after MyEx left to joke about this stuff. She already had plenty of good ideas of her own. I didn't want to help.

"So I read in your blog this really good idea about emptying the bank account…"

Yeah, that was the stuff we tried to avoid. I think that's part of why we were so polite when she left. Well, that and once the decision is made, what's left to fight over? I mean I could have stood behind the moving van as she backed out of the driveway, but that seemed more like part of her plan than part of mine.

That was the divorce pack though. I've done that, now I'm taking the trip.

I'm packing for my Grunge Pixie visit. That's a different thing all together. I mean I'm going to be there for 5 days. I want to pack enough so that I'm James Bond covered for all clothing needs. It's cold? I have a sweater. Colder, I have a coat. Going to meet the queen? I've packed a tux. Earthquake? I'm shaken, not stirred.

On the other end of the baggage claim though, I don't want to pack like I'm moving in. I don't want to scare her; she can't leave the parking lot before I've harnessed her to my luggage.

"Uhm Rob, why did you bring the office chair?

"Oh, you never know when I'll want to sit…"

That's why I'm determined to fit everything I need in 1 carry on. I mean, it is only 5 days, so if I can't fit it in one bag, I don't need to bring it. That's right, I'm disciplined. That's why I had to ask Grunge Pixie some important questions:

"Will I need more than tennis shoes? My Tux will look fashionable with them I promise…"

"No…Uhm, tux? Why--"

"Now I'm bringing a red, blue, brown, and a green sweater. I'm thinking of leaving the salmon one at home because it doesn't match my chaps. What do you think?"

"Uhm…chaps?"

"Should I pack some chowder? What if I get hungry on the plane?"

While I'm emailing these important questions, I continue to pack. I only have a few hours to get this done and get back to work. I'm hoping to sleep.

Crowbar, where did I leave the crowbar...

I get everything I need crammed into the bag, and I'm all good to go. Grunge pixie is still trying to dissuade me from bringing the scuba gear though.

"I just don't think it's necessary."

"Too late, the bag is packed."

I swear I could hear her gulp air through the email.

"you know you could have done laundry while you're here."

"Really?"

I was already packed and ready to go, but I appreciated her mentioning that. I mean, if she's doing laundry, screw the 1 bag rule: I'm gonna bring my steamer trunk too. I've got a lot of stuff that needs washed!

I may be a grinch about packing, but this will be the best Christmas Ever!