If I were a dwarf, I’d be grumpy. Or possibly “Sicky” but Snow White never let Sicky inside; she wanted to remain pristine, and not catch anything. And who can blame her? We’ve all seen how Doc operates. So, Sicky froze to death on the garden one winter. He became the first lawn gnome. Yup, little known Grimm fact.
Little know Rob fact: I’m not a dwarf. I’m just a little under-tall. I am grumpy though, especially when I’m sick and today, I’m sick.
Yeah, lucky you oh beloved blog reader, you’re reading the words of a sick Rob. That’s usually a whiny Rob, so I have a feeling this is gonna hurt you much more than it’s gonna hurts me. Just remember: no pain, no gain.
Oh you are gonna be so wealthy for reading…
I think I caught this thing from my writers’ group. Well I mean not the whole group. One particular individual was gunning for me. It was a door prize for greeting everyone, sort of a white elephant gift. If I were at all competitive, I’d save it for next year to give it back.
Ok, who am I kidding. I am competitive. I’ve filled several Ziplocks with cough air and placed them in the freezer. I’ll get them next year. Oh yes, there will be a special gift next year.
“Uhm, great Rob, what’s in this baggie?”
“Good luck air.”
Somebody gave me this cold because they were jealous.
See, last year at the Christmas party we played Apples to Apples. It’s a word matching card game where you add nouns to appropriate adjectives. One person picks the closest answer, and we all know which Rob has that answer. It’s great fun.
I think somebody gave me a cold to handicap me after last year. Cuz last year—well let’s just say that only one Rob gets to be Santa, and the rest, well some poor deer has to wear the harness and pull the fat man around the yard.
This year was much of the same. I stood at the back of my sleigh and laughed my great laugh as they tried to unseat the mighty Santa. They failed.
“Maybe next Christmas, Prancer!”
“Rob, would you quit dancing a jig on the game box?”
“Ho! Ho! Ho!”
Yeah, they love me, and my healthy competitive nature. Right now, that’s all that’s healthy. Still, feeling sick allows me time to think. It just doesn’t give me the brain for it. So I’m gonna throw a bunch of words down, we’ll see what they do.
Here is the thing though, I’ve been comparing last year’s party with this year. Last year, I was in the middle of the divorce. This year I was over it. Not everybody was though. Our hostess, who began her divorce before I began mine (she’d even recommended lawyers, should I need one), was still going through her divorce. I asked her about that, but she quickly diverted the conversation to something about her daughter.
I let her. I know better than to chase a divorced person to their cave. That’s how some people lose their arms. Others lose it by chasing bears or by making stupid bets at 3am with a shopping cart, a big hill, and a belly full of liquid bravado. These are the things I’ve learned over the last year. We’re still looking for Dopey’s arm by the way. So if you see it, could you drop it in the mailbox? That would be nice.
The world isn’t always a nice place. Yeah, if the divorce itself hadn’t taught me that, the aftermath sure did. If it hadn’t, the Christmas party sure did. Did you know that they actually tried to gang up on me in the game? Yeah! If the group knew which card was mine, they’d immediately try to vote me down.
“You are the weakest link, goodbye.”
It really goes to show you though. Things don’t change that much, but people do. People learn and grow. They adapt. Sometimes it’s for your benefit, sometimes, as any divorced person will tell you, it’s not.
In a marriage, both people grow. If it’s a perfect marriage with open communication and all the love and fluffy bunnies you can stand, you grow together. I don’t believe in that. I mean I’d love it, and fluffy bunnies go great on the spit. And when you’re sick, the meat works magic like chicken. But nothing is perfect. If it were, why would we adapt?
Making things tougher, some people adapt faster than others. So what we end up with is gaps and voids and conversational caulk we use to try to putty up the distance. So unless you’re working at it all the time, you risk growing apart.
We did, but you know that. You read my blog. You learn. You adapt. You grow. Hopefully you’ll learn from my mistakes. I offer them so that you can be the Santa without somebody slipping a cold in your sack.
I’m betting it was Sneezy. He’s always had it out for me. It’s what I get for hanging out with Dwarves and elves. And now I’m going to see a Pixie.
Great, I’m beginning to see a pattern. Hopefully I’ll learn. Then again, my pain is your gain.
Oh you are gonna be so wealthy for reading…
No comments:
Post a Comment