Mood Swingin' Through the Season.

The rain stopped. It rained all day yesterday. I know, those of you living in lesser locales are saying, "So?" But this is Southern California, we have laws against rain! How do they expect us to look good for the paparazzi we pretend to abhor when the smog-rain soils our Armani? I tell you, it's hard living up to the California dream!

I suppose the divorce has been a bigger damper on things than the rain. I mean, I'm supposed to be happy all the time. It's kind of an oxymoron too; Californian's are supposed to be happy, and yet we're supposed to divorce partners like they're a 30 day old shipment from the spouse of the month club. What, you don't have one of those? That's because you don't live here. Move here; it's the most popular thing in the welcome basket.

People tell me that I have a great attitude, that I'm doing great. I am, under the circumstances. I know, I'm adding the qualifier. It's my way of leaving wiggle room to break down. Remember the old anti-drug commercial? "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs" Then some heroin waif, pretending to be a maid (a California staple for every household—even our homeless are required to have maids, or at least somebody who's willing to wear the costume. Heroin waifs are popular out here too...), trashes somebody's kitchen with a frying pan then strolls off, appeased. Sometimes I feel like I need to do that, but I can't afford the aftermath. I don't have the money to replace the broken stuff.

California stuff it expensive. You live here, you pay. They're thinking of making that our slogan "What happens in LA costs you everything." It's not quite as catchy as the Vegas thing, but people still come. They think we're cool. They love the fantasy. I came, and now I can't afford to go crazy in my own home. I wash my dishes then bubble wrap them just in case. Ok, that's ridiculous, but I feel that way; sometimes I think the biggest victim in the divorce is my brain. This is your brain on divorce…

I happened on a article about 10 ways to get through the holidays after/during a divorce. Number 8 said "Celebrate your mood swings." Mood swings? Divorce related? No way! I am Keanu Reeves, and this is my Bill and Ted's excellent epiphany. "No" pause "Way!" My mood swings are divorce related? I was just getting ready to blame my parents! According to the list's creator, it's a natural part of divorce.

"No"

"Way!"

I'm still in shock. You mean this isn't some unique crisis only I get to go through? That's a bummer. It's normal, common, and everybody goes through it in a divorce. I hope the HOA doesn't find out, it's the only thing that made me cool enough to move in.

So I'm supposed to celebrate my mood swings huh? Maybe I could dress them up for the holiday, make mood swing ornaments, or even make blinking mood swing swag lights.

"Happy."

"Sad"

"Angry"

"SoCal cool."

That's me now. I'm so cool I don't need to ice my tea. At least not until the next rainstorm.