I want to be happy. Is that something that works for you? No, I don't care if you're happy, I mean does it work for you if I'm happy? Good, lets work on that together. That will become our worldwide mission: Make Rob Happy. You there, in Wisconsin, bring me a beer. Why are you shaking it? AWWWW! You didn't have to do that, now I smell like…ok that hasn't changed, but I'm wet now. Thanks a lot. I'm not happy.
Actually in my divorce I try to keep the mood swings from leg humping jubilant, to comatose apathetic. I figure if I can stay clear of random fits of weeping it's a good day. I'm a guy. We don't feel sorrow, we just bottle it up inside until we become a salty water balloon looking for a place to explode.
"Would you like help out with that tonight sir?"
"That's what MyUnwife used to say before sex! Why do you always have to talk about my divorce?"
""Can I get a clean up at the cashier aisle…"
I found one of the things that helps keep the mood arrow in the green is working out. The exercise not only gets me in shape, but it gives me a sense of accomplishment. "I did something today!" I'd forgotten that for a few weeks. I've been feeling down. My treadmill broke just after 3 months and Sears won't fix it. Well they will, but they want to charge me 90 bucks to knock on my door, and then tell me what they want to charge me to fix it. The parts are covered, I just need to pay for the idiot who knows how to knock on my door.
I could fix it. It's not rocket science. It's treadmill science. Even the manufacturer says I can fix it. They told me what was wrong over the phone. The problem is they don't carry their own parts. Only Sears carries their parts, and Sears won't give me the part without the guy who knows how to knock on my door. My treadmill a glass encased cockroach paperweight. I can't afford a new one. I know where I won't be buying it when I can, but that's another story.
So I've been trying to find a new routine, a new way of getting exercise, a new way to find my happy. For now that way is an exercise video. GAAA! I don't know why but it feels weird just saying that. I've always thought the videos were such a rip-off. Still, I've found one that works for me. I'm getting my cardio with Barney. No, not the Flintstones' neighbor, the purple dinosaur. I figure if it works for his tubby ass, it's gotta work for me. You should see him in the video: He's ripped. The last workout on the DVD he eats Tony Little. Tony tries to get away. I swear he does. His legs little legs move really fast, but that little Gazelle Freestyle doesn't go anywhere. You can do it! No Tony, I don't think you can.
Still despite my whining, I do feel better. Exercise helps my happy. It's not a cure all, but it's a start. I found something else that makes me happy too: fuzzy slippers. I got those in the mail as an early Christmas gift to myself. Warm feet are happy feet. Thank you Rob, you know how to make me happy! I couldn't do that for MyUnwife, but that's ok. I'm sending her Barney for Christmas. Ah, the screams of Christmas cheer…
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