Say Hello

Somebody's out there. No, not the crazed stalker in the blue Monte Carlo drinking Jack and eating Reubens. Oh sure, she's out there. She's been out there for weeks. She's harmless though. Just approach her slowly, palm extended. Let her sniff you, and she'll lap water from your hand. Pet her if you like.

No, I don't know who this somebody is, this somebody is on my peripheral; I can't see them. How can I tell they're there? My spider-sense is tingling. It probably means nothing more than a black widow in my sandwich. I should check my sandwich before I eat it.

Nope nothing.

I get these feelings. It's sort of like somebody reading over my shoulder. Maybe it's because my barista smiled extra sweetly today; maybe it's because my coffee was free. Maybe it's the looming thunderstorm. Wherever it is, it's electric ozone and it smells like somebody is out there--a peripheral person. Not a person who hangs out on the outside, just somebody out of view, but just for now.

There's a big difference between the two. It's kind of like the high school girl in my writers' group. She announced last night that the boy she's had a crush on for the past 8 months already has a boyfriend.

Wow. I guess when you're a young miss you miss certain signs. I think if you have too much in common with a boy that's a sign.

"Isn't Jared Leto cute?"

"I'd do him."

Ok, maybe that's a little graphic, but you get my point. What's worse, is that's not even the real problem. If she'd come out to this guy earlier, she could have avoided pining 8 months for a guy who was never going to share anything more than her lipstick. Then she could track down her real hunka-hunka burning love.

We all make those mistakes when we're young. When I was in high school, everybody was peripheral. I don't think I see anybody from high school anymore. See? They're all people who refuse to step into view. They could have avoided that mistake if they'd tried.

When I was in college, I met a French-Canadian girl online. I lived in Milwaukee. Neither of us ever saw the sun, so we had a lot in common. We'd send each other poems and stories we'd written, but we never evolved. I think she was afraid of getting sideswiped so she hung back. It's like 2 people dangling from a cliff, all she had to do was reach out. Nobody did. We both fell away.

Before I started dating MyUnwife, there was another Milwaukee girl. We were friends; we went on one date. She was long, sweet, and pretty, but short on esteem. She assumed she had nothing special to offer, so guys who dated her were only after one thing: her crystal skull. Oh, sorry wrong thing, wrong girl. Keep this girl, move lower than the skull. That’s what guys were after.

When we went out she expected I wanted the same thing. She spent the evening guarded and setting traps. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a guy who loves a good crystal skull, but that wasn't why I went out with her. I went out with her because she was sweet. I'm a guy. I'm simple. I can only have one thing on my mind.

To me the evening was a failure. To her it was something new, and yet it turned out to be the same. I might have gone out on a second date but I was blindsided from my peripheral: I met MyUnwife. She stepped out of the blind spot and said, "hello."

Screech! "Ahh! Hey!"

But no matter what I say, at least she stepped out and stepped up. That was always one quality I admired in her. Still, I think it's easy to see why I might be a little twitchy about my peripheral. I was looking at the skirts on the outskirts and they weren't even there. My distraction got me smacked by the one I should have seen coming.

It's kind of like driving to a 4 way stop and everybody sits waiting for somebody to take the right of way. Finally you get pissed and go--at the same time one other person goes. You'll never remember the other 2 cars that slinked away, but you'll remember the blue Monte Carlo and the guy laying on your windshield. He was the pedestrian neither of you saw. Now he's the pedestrian pinned to your windshield like a bug. the woman in the Monte Carlo takes a swig and stares at you.

That's the problem with peripheral people: You never see them until it's too late. And normally you never see them at all. It's a shame. You could have offered something. I try not to be peripheral. I'm the guy barreling right down the middle of the road. Ask MyUnwife. Her favorite in the car word was:

"OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod!" tapping to the beat of the imaginary brake, always with her eyes closed! She always closed her eyes as a passenger. I never got that…

Anyway, my peripheral person isn't that kind of peripheral, at least I hope not, or we'll never meet. They're just out of view for now. I'd like to see them though--to know that they're real. Because with my imagination, it's possible I'm imagining the whole thing, and taking you along for the ride.

Stepping out of the peripheral is about taking risks. Everybody should try stepping out of the peripheral this week. Step in front of somebody. Stop their car if you have to. Give them a smile, Give them a hug.

Take the risk.

Say "Hello."