Yard work. I hate it. Some kids hate spinach I hate trowels. I'll take the spinach any day. I'm just calling a spade a spade. And don't bother telling me it takes the trowel to get the spinach, thank you very much. You may be right, but some other Mr. Green Jeans can wield the spade of life. Me, I'll grab the $3.99 bag at the grocery store. Yard work already included.
So what if spinach growers tried to poison me last year? What's life without experimenting with the unknown? At least that's the new salad farm slogan. MyUnwife used to say the same thing.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't make me more excited about yard work. I don't think there's really any part of the yard work I like.
Weeding? Yeah, right.
Mowing? Guess again.
Pruning? Well that's just torture weeding now isn't it?
"I'll ask you again, is it safe?"
"Uw ughoh uh…"
Sounds fun, but somebody plays Sir Laurence. Somebody plays young Dustin. Most of my plants have barbs. They prick their parts. I bleed for my art. You can guess who plays who. I hate pruning too.
Watering? Sure that's cool, I have an automatic sprinkler that takes care of everything. I sit inside and watch the rainbows. Yeah, I like watering.
I'd love to tell you that before MyUnwife left she did all the yard work. She didn't. So when she left I didn't really notice when I stood in the yard with a broken sprinkler raining down on my head. Nothing changed there.
Women in the yard place? It happens! I've read blogs from women who did all that stuff. I've asked myself where were they when I was looking last time? Probably in the yard where I couldn't see them. I found a woman in an apartment.
"Every rose has it's thorn."
Yeah, that's right. Gardening humor. That's why I didn't look for who, but my Lady Greenthumbs.
Now as an interesting side note (which knowing me, will devour the rest of this post), I had to look up Greensleeves to pull that together. I'm apparently not hip on my medieval music. When I clicked on the page, a new window blossomed as well for "hornymatches.com." There they showed several photos of several women they thought shared several of my interests.
I think the page name sells what interests they were supposed to share. Still, I'm not sure why they were attached to the music page. None of them had green sleeves. None of them had any sleeves or anything to hang sleeves from for that matter. Oh I take that back, the girl with the reindeer nose had antlers too. I could have hung sleeves from therewith care. I have no idea where here stockings were hung...
None of the girls had trowels either, so I don't think they were gardeners. Pink-E1989 said she liked it outdoors, but I'm not sure if mowing was what she meant. Then again, maybe it was. In fact their bios didn't say much at all. Yeah, I looked. I'm a guy, I read my pop-ups for the articles.
In that way it's kind of like meeting real people. You meet people in context to your environment. If I saw Pink-E1989 in a quantum physics class I wouldn't recognize her. (What? It could happen! You're just as likely to see me in that class as you are to see Pink-E1989!) I'd see Pink-E1989 only in whatever context she exposed herself.
When we click people, we never know what will pop up. It's only through talking and listening that we learn about the people we're with. I have a good friend who went through a divorce a few years ago. He said, "I should have seen this coming!" Maybe yes, maybe no. Some links you never see until you click on them. He'd never clicked on the "she'll run off with my best friend link." He didn't think to try.
I clicked on Pink-E1989. I wanted to see her gardening skills. That linked to another side of Pink-E1989 I hadn't expected. She wanted money. She charged more than the Reuben E. who left his card on my screen door this morning. Maybe her services are special.
I closed the windows. I'll handle my own yard. I still haven't found that woman who loves to clean house and do yard work. I guess it's another one of those "not the goal, but the process" things. In my process I continue to do my own yard work. It's ok. When you look at my yard you won't think, "There's a guy who doesn't like doing his yard." You might think "There's a guy who doesn't know what to do with his yard," but that's a different problem, and that's all part of the process that comes with practice. For now I'll get lots of that.
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