"Gotta go with what you know…"-Doubledrive

"The Devil makes work for idle hands." That could explain why I haven't seen him 'round here lately. He's probably afraid I'll put him to work.

"Ok, Rob but this is the last bookshelf I'm moving."

"Shut up and lift. And keep that tail out of my way."

"But you promised we'd take some time to go into that dark void."

"Yeah, when we're done. Ok, there! Now grab the vacuum, and get all the cat hair this time."

"Cat hair? Doesn't that make you think about all the time you spent with MyWife and the cats?"

"Not really, no time. You missed a spot."

Yeah, he stopped coming by after that. God's here. Been here, but he seems to think I should work this out myself.

"Why won't you move that chair again God?"

"Where you there when I formed the Earth Created the Seas—-"

"Thanks God, but a simple 'suck it up would suffice.' "

"No it wouldn't. "suck it up isn't what you need.' I know what you need."

"I know, you're perfect."

"Yep, and that's why I'm going to tell you that your picture is crooked. You're probably going to want to fix that."

"Thanks for noticing God."

Don't worry, no need to step back from your monitor. There'll be no smiting today. At least not because of my post. ***Interesting side note, that's the second time I've used a form of the word "smite" this week. Wrath must weigh heavy on my mind…*** No, I haven't said anything that isn't true (Yeah the picture was crooked. It was nice of Him to notice). I have no doubt that God is well aware of what's happening in my life and it'll all work out for the best. I could point to several blessings over the past few years that almost seem as preparation, bringing me to where I am now. It's weird but I feel at peace with parts of this.

Of course this brings out the other parts of me as well. Right now, some internal critic is throwing a tantrum. Kicking down sets and tossing props right and left. "Peace? How can you be "at peace?" If you loved MyWife, you'd be a wretched mess. Only through pathetic displays of over emotion, including self-flatulation and clothe renting can you say you truly loved."

"uhm, excuse me, Mr. Inner Critic."

"Yes?

"I don't want to criticize—I know that's your job—but don't you mean 'flagellation?'"

"What?"

"You said 'self-flatulation' didn't you mean 'self-flagellation?' There's a big difference. I think self-flat—"

"I know! I was testing you. You're asleep, not at peace! Wake up!"

"Because I'm not flatulating I'm not awake?"

The critic huffs off. Yeah that's usually enough to send him in a flurry of strewn scripts and pointless aggression. The reality is though, his job is done: he's planted his seed.

Why am I at peace?

I mean I have my moments, but for the most part I'm calm. Could this mean I didn't love her? How could that be? I spent 10 year getting to know her, and I'd have spent countless more if she'd have loved me herself. So why? I was in my Bible study the other night, and one of the guys came up to me and said, "I know how you feel." and he relayed his story. When he was done I thought, No, no you don't know how I feel. You felt completely different. You spent 6 months in a cheap motel, in a sleeping bag, longing to go back home. That really sucks! Thank God that's not how I feel. I thanked him for his kindness, and left. What could I say?

What do I say? I don't feel like what everybody says I should.

That inner critic is a real asshole.

What's more I don't have the answer. I'd love to wrap this post up in a nice neat bow and say "Here! This is what I do." But I can't, I don't know what I do.

I can tell you one thing though, Tonight I'm going out to buy a blender. When I come home, I'm making me a Kahlua milkshake. If you want some, drop on by, I have plenty. MyWife didn't take the Kahlua, she hates the stuff. It's been a long busy week. I think I'll sit on the porch and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Thanks God. This is what I do.