Three months. Break it down to the ridiculous. That's 6 times longer than it would take to stock a garrison of fortnights, 12 times longer than it would take Frankenfurter to make me a man even with a timewarp, and 672 times longer than it would take the brave and sure skipper to beach the SS Minnow. Trust me. I know. I've been counting.
There's an iPhone app that lets me do that. Count. Yup. Why consult old episodes of Sesame Street when I can count on the computer age to add it up for me?
My Iphone says, "Three months down and one month to go." That's how much time I've had to fill between The Pirate Queen's introduction and our long awaited face to face.
How do I fill that time?
Uhm….
Well do you know how many times you can watch The Lord of the Rings during that time? 4 times, and that's only if you edit out the hobbit pillow fight, 3 of the false endings and limit paused screens for ogling Elvin maidens to 5 minute intervals.
I still have one month and 3 ogles to go.
Remember when I said that the distance was a good thing? Yeah, I'm a liar. That lost it's sunny side sheen before I lost interest in my fad diet app. Now I'm just a bundle of jitter angst. I haven't felt like this since my first Christmas semi formal.
"Uhm, my dad will be here to pick us up in a few minutes, and I really want to kiss--" Oh, you too?
Well this time my dad isn't invited, but I still have a month to fill with Rob-magination. Yeah, I don't think that's what Mr. Rogers had in mind when he gave trolley rides to the land of make believe.
"Meow meow, yes, X, you owl stud!"
Ding, ding! Ding, ding!
And see? This is just one granny smith from the fruit basket that is my mind. How do you like them apples? Yeah, it was enough to make Snow White pass out. My mind can be a dark place, and I've still got a month left. I don't know if that's enough to keep Dr. Freud away. I might as well be tied to the mast of the good pirate ship, cuz I'm not going anywhere.
Oddly enough, neither is she. This is usually the part of the Rob movie where the damsels run for the hills. I guess that's what I get for chasing a pirate: she chases back.
"Arrggh! Prepare to be boarded, blog boy!"
"Eeek!"
Yeah, now it's my turn to be afraid, very afraid. And still my quaky boots haven't moved. I wait and I taunt.
"Hey, I've got Quantum of Solace on cable, wanna watch?"
"Are you asking me on a date?"
"Sure. I'll make guacamole and salsa. We can have chips."
"Perfect, I’m making fajitas."
"Me too!"
And so it begins. I'm on needles and pins. The tough thing about long distance dating is the long distance date. They're fun, but it's all theater of the mind fun, and there's only so much I can do before the brain ushers us out to the lobby and it's not the same when I reach out to hold her hand and get Persephone's paw.
"Meow meow, yes Rob, you blogging stud."
"What's that? What did I just hear?"
"Uhm, nothing, just Bluetooth white noise."
"uh-huh. Keep your paws to yourself you blogging stud…"
Yeah, my imagination is a dangerous place. That's why the Pirate Queen and I try to keep it as real as possible. We make the same meals, and watch the same movie. We text and email throughout dinner, and then call for movie time.
"Another Margarita?"
"Yes Please."
It doesn't matter who gets drunk, nobody's getting lucky. Still, I can tell you that after three months of talking, that's not what's important about this story. It's about so much more and that's what makes our pursuit over the opening Bond chase so much fun. We're sitting together on our perspective couches, movies synced, voices in each other's ear, the same way we would if we were together.
It's not the same, but it's a simple sugar salve. Sweet and topical, but no replacement for the healing ointment of proximity. It's just what we have on hand.
"Who's he Bond girl in this one?"
"I'm not sure. "
"What are you eating?"
"Left over chips and guacamole. Want some?"
"Absolutely!"
We relax. We enjoy. We have unlimited talk time. That's a comfort. It makes even the silences count for something. When the credits roll, we critique the film, neither of us moving. Such as it is, this is our time, and we wouldn't trade it for all the time in the world.
"How many more days?"
I check my iPhone, "26 days, 5 hours." Yup, there's an app for that.
What there isn't an app for, is bridging the gap spanning 2,500 miles. That takes 4 months of 2 people learning, caring, and thinking creatively. That takes a personal approach and patience. That takes building a relationship. Something we didn't realize for a ridiculous amount of time, but now that we're here we can't wait for the coming attraction.
How do we fill the next 26 days? I don't know, but I know that we will. I also know that it will require more than a quantum of solace, but the payoff will be worth the effort.
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