Jumping The Shark

TV. Next to sex, and self congratulations, I think that's the favorite past time of most Americans.

In our 20's, the last two went hand in hand--so to speak.

"I just had sex."

"Congratulations, Me too!"

"Yeah, I was there. It was the best you've had right?"

In our teens, it usually went hand in--well, it usually just involved the hand. But we were still big on congratulating ourselves.

"I didn't know I could do that!"

TV? Well that could come anywhere before, after, or in between the other two activities. During my divorce it came in lieu of. Nope. In my case there was no sex and no congratulations, just plenty of TV though. I did get to catch up on old TV shows again.

Now that I've been busy in other parts of my life, I've let my TV life lag. Last week, while the Pirate Queen was making her new port a home, I caught up on my TV viewing.

"Sit on it Ralph."

Yup, I watched some old Happy Days. Did you know that they stopped filming that show a few years back? I know! I was surprised too. It happened sometime after Fonzie jumped the shark.

I know, ironic huh? Years later somebody would coin a term about jumping a shark being the point of origin for the downward spiral when Fonzie did the exact same thing…

Oh, Fonzie was that jumping the shark! Oh. That's something they didn't explain in all those flashback episodes. I guess Fonzie didn't know he'd jumped the shark until after the producers cuffed him to the boat, and drug him over the ramp.

Where did you jump the shark? Where did your marriage lose interest and get canceled?

Me? I'll never know about mine. TV likes to pretend it's possible, but I don't think so. You know I've seen that in rerun episodes too. Not of "Happy Days," but of other more dramatic shark jumpers. It's usually the same episode where some ex flame or cousin Arnold floats into town with Ralph Macchio in tow ready to break a brick and undermine the local peace. Usually some leg sweeping and bed swapping ensues followed by the question, "Where did we go wrong?"

"Some time around the wax off, Daniel-san. You should have been watching TV."

Ok, I've crossed my flashback streams. Sorry. But you've seen the episodes. Somebody asks where things went wrong while the other person ties it up into some nice neat bow, pats their head and sends them on their way.

I don't know about you, but I'm not sure there's enough ribbon in the world to do that in my marriage. I don't know where either of us jumped the shark, but I'm not convinced pinpointing it would make things better. What's more, I'm not sure it was just one shark. From this side I think things were a bit of a frenzy, and that stupid boat just kept dragging us over and over again.

"Congratulations, you made it!"

"Thank you. So did you! Looks like we're going ag---"

You jump the shark only to be eaten by hindsight.

So here I am. I've seen all these old episodes before. I know where they end. I know every "sit on it," and every Blueberry Hill thrill by heart. What I don't know is how to keep from repeating. Right now things are great with the Pirate Queen, but I can't compare her to MyEx.

It's like comparing flashback episodes of Happy Days and Growing Pains. They're different. The only thing they have in common is that neither Richie Cunningham or Mike Seaver remember having an older brother named Chuck.

I don't either. I did however have a divorce, and during that I watched a lot of Chuck. See? Everything is different depending on our experience. One thing we do share, is that no matter how we blend and shape our past, it will always be there. What will change is how we remember that time and how I remember my divorce will have everything to do with where I go from there.

Because memory and perspective are like playing ping-pong with a granola ball: each time you hit it, things break off. After time, all that's left is a kernel of truth surrounded by some flakey crap.

See, unlike TV flashbacks, every time I return to my divorce episodes I see things differently. I have a perspective of the way things went down, and my mind will shape that. Sure there are things that I can and should learn from my divorce, but there comes a time where I just need to pull the plug and change the channel. It's like watching Small Wonder on drugs and then going back sober.

"Man, I thought this was a much better show…"

Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but when your perspective is altered by time nothing will ever be the same. That's the one constant I did learn from divorce: you can only beat your head against the wall for so long, then it's time to move on.

Just like the old Kung-Fu reruns. When you can pull away from the past and look to the future, it is time for you to leave.

It's amazing the things you can learn from TV. Now if I can just work out some of that thing that comes between TV and self congratulation.

Tune in next time...