Doobie doobie doo…
Nothing like hold Muzak to get your day going. Well that and my large hazelnut latte. But I think that this pairing is giving me the jitters. Right now I’m twitching to a jazzy rendition of “What a Day for a Daydream.” Yeah, I can honestly say this is not that day. At least not while I’m in my local coffee shop, with an unresponsive wifi.
“Server does not exist.” That’s what my laptop says. It’s like its never heard of the internet before. Interesting twist of irony: my iPhone makes the connection, but I can’t transfer data back and forth between it and my laptop. They don’t communicate.
I hold up the iPhone so that the screen faces my monitor, “See? That’s what the internet looks like.”
The monitor blinks then flashes again, “Server does not exist.”
I could take this as a sign that it’s Friday the 13th, but the guy behind me with an axe insists that it’s purely coincidental. I don’t really trust his fashion sense, but I think his holiday knowledge is impeccable. He’s just given me a heart with, “Be Mine” carved into it. Kinda creepy, but it is the thought that counts.
“This is Alex, can I help you?” Alex is the chipper voice piping through my Bluetooth. He sounds like he’s in his mid twenties and has been popping No-Doz from a Pez dispenser for the last 4 hours. He’s obviously listening to something better than my hold music. Lucky Alex.
“My computer doesn’t talk to the internet on the wifi.”
“How does it talk to the internet?”
“Right now? It doesn’t.”
“Ok, hold on let me check it out.”
A cellist is now rocking my ear where Alex once stood, bowing through the Police’s “Wrapped Around Your Finger.” What I’d give to access my XM account right now.
You don’t notice how much you miss the internet until you need to live without it. Yeah, as a boyscout I was trained to rub two sticks together and start a fire, but nobody shared how to strand firewire and make communication. That’s what I need to survive in today’s world.
So far I’ve survived 40 minutes, and when the cellist ends this note it’ll be 45:13 that I’ll never get back. If it goes longer, I’m rubbing two sticks against a pile of books so I can make smoke signals.
For me the internet is my tether to life. It’s how I keep up with friends. I don’t really know people in my community. I mean there are people at church and in my writers’ group, but nobody I’d share important life with. For that my city might as well be Night of the Comet empty, cuz it’s just like being alone.
Oh, I’m not blaming anyone. I work at home, and I don’t have a lot of time for random social interaction. Writers’ group, church, and coffee, those are the ropes keeping me moored in my offline community, and all of them are like silk threads.
Online is where the people I “know” are. I’m not advocating it, I’m just saying that that’s the way it is. I mean, if you all would just move here, that would make life much easier, but since you’re unwilling to give up your lives for your Rob blogger, I have to communicate the best way I can.
“Here, try the Kool-aid.”
Alex is back in my ear whispering absolute nothings. He tells me the problem is that my coffee shop speaks PC but my laptop speaks Mac. Yeah, stop laughing all of you PC freaks. It’s not that funny. What’s more, you don’t want to laugh at an addict on an internet jones—besides, he assures me his tech has a quick fix. All I need to do is sit on hold a little longer.
I don’t even know what song we’re butchering now. It’s almost like we’ve taken some early Fresh Prince, and turned it into a Casiotone sonata. Which is kind of the jumble of my social network.
We all grab for ways to communicate--to listen and to be heard. For me when the marriage ship went down, I flailed for the internet life raft. Some of you have family who are a hand-grasp away, or friends who dive in to help you dog paddle to safety. For me it was the net that kept me afloat.
“You should get through now.” It’s Alex. He’s right, my browser says I have a connection again. And see? There you are my friends. It’s good to see you.
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