Open With Care.

I opened the box with a little trepidation. I wasn't sure what I'd get today. Some days it's a secret toy surprise other day's it’s a steel toe to the soft groin. Both surprising, but lets face it: given a poll we all know which one we'd ask for.

"Steel toe, you are the weakest link. Goodbye."

Today's Email was good. I peeked over the lip, and three friends waved hello. There was an ad from a steel cup manufacturer. I decided to save that one for later.

All three friend mails started the same way, "Sorry it's been so long since we've talked. You've been so wrapped up in that divorce thing and I didn't want to disturb you." Ok, none of them said that last part. They all know better. They all did say the first bit though.

Two of them have ridden the divorce ride and the other is still happily married. She thought about the ride, but didn't make the height requirements, so shrugged and rode Indiana Jones instead. Metaphorically speaking.

It was great to hear from everybody, I'm not sure why today, but I'm not complaining. My friend in Phoenix emailed. He's been through a divorce. You can tell too. See that bitter curl to his lip? That's not skunk beer. That's 2 wives and a world of hurt. He's getting better. The sneer isn't superglued up, and he doesn't spit at women in the grocery store anymore. It's ok, he's a nice guy. Girls, just talk slowly as you approach and hold out your hand. If you've got some treats he'll let you scratch behind his ear. Speak softly.

He wanted me to know that pestilence still walks the earth, and she's taking him back to court. It seems they can't agree on custody. I'll email him back later. "Dude, that blows." It does. He's been divorcing her or about half the time I was married. It seems like every time he get's over it, she finds a way to stab him with another knife.

Et tu Julia Child?

My MidCal friend, she's divorcing. Her husband and her are having troubles finding common ground on the simple things.

"I asked you to die."

Yeah, they have custody issues too, but their worst problem seems to be property. As best as I can tell they've got 2 houses they need to sell. I'm torn. I'd like to own that much property to sell. Just not right now. It seems they aren't wild about that prospect either.

"I'm keeping the car, but here's your broom. Ride that home bitch."

Well then. I'm glad everything is amicable. Still, this friend is getting better. Her divorce is winding down, and she's riding off into the sunset, leaving a trail of California dust for her ex to choke on. She's picked another state, and for her it's a happier state, the can be found on the map to her future.

My other letter is from my NoCal friend. She's still married. Some days more happily married than others. Some days she says things that make me wonder, but she never says enough to involve me in her marriage. I can appreciate that. As much of a friend I like to be, the last thing anybody wants is some guy standing in the middle of their marriage. It's like going to a Fondue party and finding Andy Dick back stroking in your main course.

"You know what, I think I'll just have stale bread squares. Thanks."

You can thank me for the mental image later. That's what friends are for. See, because we all have problems. We all lean on each other and we offer support. My problems are so different than theirs. None of them really know what to make of MyUnwife. That's ok, I wonder what made them say "I do" too.

We've all looked into somebody's eyes and sworn we could see forever. Some of us never blinked, others fell, but brushed themselves off and tried again like a terrier of determination, others knew when to quit. Me, I'm still learning what lies behind the great void, but I've got good friends to guide the way.

What's cool, is tomorrow, I'll open the box again, shake it around, and there'll be something new peeking out between the red hearts and blue diamonds. Maybe it's from somebody I know, maybe it's somebody new. No matter what, I bet it'll be a surprise.

C'mon, no kick to the groin...