De-Keyed Board.

Crap! I had this really cool blog started. It was insightful; it was topical; it was funny! How often do you actually get all those things from me? You would have clicked my blog and opened up to a Neapolitan surprise! Instead you get this weird stain.

What? Prefer mint chip to Neapolitan? Oh sorry, that's somebody else's blog. Try "String of Lights." I hear she works in some mint chip and heavenly hash from time to time. Not me. I'm just the basics.

But this blog? This blog was something beyond vanilla Rob. It was something for the books. It's something that is gone. Yeah, see I had a crisis. It was a crisis of keys and spirit. It was the crisis of the sticky "A."

Yes, I know you're doctor's warned you about that too. That sticky "A" is something different. This wasn't quite as oozy. Although when I pried the letter off the keyboard I'm not sure it was any less gross. Do you know there is a dirt and hair city under the key's of your board? Screw the thing under the bed, I'm more worried about the monster inside my computer's input devices.

Please don't take me literally on the under the bed thing. I don't want to know what lurks there, and nor do I think it's any more sanitary than me prying my "A" up and licking it clean.

What? Don't wince. I didn't lick it, I promise. That's totally gross. I did dip it in rubbing alcohol (the key, not my tongue.). There were parasitic screams and threats of war, but you'd be surprised what a great equalizer rubbing alcohol is.

Feel my wrath micrubus-ickius! Yeah, it's a real thing, microbus-ickius. It's a small bug that built dust-mite wings then flew too close to the bleach. Sad tale really. Much like this blog before you, it reached too far and then died a horrible burning death.

So, with my "A" in the alcohol, I decided that all the letters should dive in as well. I dipped all the keys. Yeah, I stripped my keyboard naked and then gave it a bath. It needed it. Sort of an Alphabet Soup party. Also, the only time little "P" was welcome in my soup.

So I started wiping the filth that hid underneath while everybody had a soak. First some water, then some more alcohol to scour the scourge. In a way it's kind of like my divorce. I mean I clean up all the stuff, and clear out everything that doesn't belong, but there are still little unidentifiable crumblies under there that don't taste quite right.

Does that make sense? I mean with all the floating keys and the fumes, my mind starts to wander. I thought about the things that went wrong in my relationship with MyUnwife. I considered how our communication fell apart. But it was different today than before. Sort of like my keys, I felt detached.

It was somebody else's marriage. I mean there's no "I" in the story of MyUnwife anymore. There hasn't been for a while. Ok, MyUnwife does have one "I" but I'll let you be the one to call her a drunken Cyclops. There's also an "F" and a "U" in there too, she'll probably tell you where to stick those.

See, I remember her character, but it's not as immediate as it used to be. Like my crumblies, she'll never be completely gone, but she'll never be as vibrant as she once was. Once you use the big "D" it turns one into "Done." Yeah, pretty cheesy huh? Nonetheless, it's true.

So I've sanitized my keyboard and my divorce. All the ickius is gone. I've replaced the keys. I've found another similarity between the great cleansing and my divorce too. I now have Z-rays and Xebras.

Nothing every goes back quite the way I found it.